.Monday, October 22, 2007 ' 10:00 PM Y
you used to be the reason, for my smile.
i must say, i really hate you
>:(
its gonna be e end of e sch yr soon... how sad. all year i've been wishing this sch year wuld end sooner but now it comes, i realised i can't bear to part with my sec one life. lovely sec 1J despite the more unhappy times. being on e ground floor having a spacious outdoor garden instead of a teeny balcony. walking through the backdoor straight to the playground, hall and canteen. i will miss 1J, both classroom and people ):
and i shall also miss sec 1 combined and being the youngest in e whole sec sect of e sch. swearing in is in approx 36 days. duno whether to be happy or sad... well i don't think i'll even be happy during swearing in cos i'll be missing the cliquey with its wonderful people who are at the other side of e island together. and after swearing in everything's gonna change. no more sec1 combine and sec1 berato and whatsoever. and she's gonna start giving us hell. sigh. and nxt yr there'll be juniors. that i also duno whether to be happy or sad...
nxt yr we're officially sec2s where the sec1s look up to (hopefully). no more being young and innocent, and the time has past where we could relax and enjoy life. well i think it has passed long long ago but haha nxt yr's going to be worse. and it will just continuing worsening until Godknowswhen. sigh. i'll really feeling apprehensive about the future years to come.
i'm really scared of life
talking about the present, there's so many messes to clear up. most of them which i have created for myself. haha. messes in school, messes at home. my sec1 stuff are spewing all over the place in both places. i've gotta now empty the many lockers i've occuiped illegally, my overflowing table, the stuff i pile up all over the floor beside my desk and God knows what more. and at home i've got stuff just simply lying all over the house. sigh. i've bought this huge box to stuff all my sec1 stuff but i think its nt even enough space... i think by the time sec 4 comes i'll have died in a pileup of my books, notes and whatsoever. sighsighsigh. and my room is so so so messy i don't know when will i ever have it properly packed. things stacked... everywhere. thinking about it gives me a headache. why can't i be organized like some people? i don't even know where to start packing. sigh.
and its time to start revising in preparation for nxt yr. i really don't know what i've learnt in sec1, now that i spend time thinking about it. i've been too busy in my mad rush through projects, courseworks, tests and blah blah that i haven't stopped to ponder why am i actually doing all these and what have i actually learnt. i can just curse myself over the fact i can't be more realistic like my sisters whose sec 1,2,3 life passed in a breeze and only start working hard in sec4. isn't that what most people do? afterall, what do you learn in sec 1,2,3 that is useful for later life? sigh. all we want is a cert, a degree. when you come to secondary, teachers tell you to forget all you've learnt in primary. when you go jc, teachers tell you to forget all about secondary. when you go to uni, everything you've learn in the past is all forgotten and all you care about is getting your degree. when you've got your degree, no one gives a damm about anything else except you've got a degree. so why can't we just start working our way towards getting a degree now? life is just so confusing.
i really feel like such a failure. i really don't know what i've learnt this year. come to think of it, practically nothing. i've been too busy chionging and chionging to learn anything. everything i've studied for tests leaks out right after it. all pws i do i refer to textbooks and forget later on. i've done so many tests and projects that i can't even remember why i did them and what were they about. sigh
Joan Chan is a plain loser
its time to get started on revising.
i've got 2 months to clear up the messes i've created. which, come to think of it, is a very very short time. sigh. i shall dedicate part of it to packing my stuff. i think my house is plain hopeless but maybe i could just compile my sec1 stuff and store them away nicely. then the sec 2 stuff will come in... ): i might also tidy up some of the more vital places such as my study table :P and another part will be dedicated to organizing things such as my holiday planner, finance stuff, studying schedue and things i need to buy and stock up on. i am a well known
rubbish collector person who stocks up on miscellaneous things :D and then another part is dedicated to STUDYING. sighsigh. especially jap. ): and then there's still BAND. sigh even more. and so so so so so many other things to do in such a short time frame.
unlike the past holidays where i had all the time to clear up my stuff for the year, this year's different
i've got practically a hundred and one more things to do than the past years
this shows how hetic and messy my sec1 life is >:(
thinking of this gives me a splitting headache.
i think my life will just remain a mess until e day i die.
i'm in a huge mess
