omg why does things work in weird ways and why does everything seems too much of a coincidence?

nevermind me
you will never understand. becos i don't too.

oh dear... i am missing the jiejie already :(((
how dumb an age gap we have.
when i'm in pri she's in secondary/jc
when i'm in secondary she's working/in uni
stupid thing.
and the even stupider thing is that we share a rm?
so there it goes. in the beginnning when i sleep early she sleeps late
then there goes the time when i sleep late and she sleeps early
and now's the time where i sleep as early or late as i want and no one gives a damm
it feels weird without the jiejie in the room :(((
i miss jiejie :(((
and she will miss me and the stuff animals x)

today was quite a crazy day
poor lydia got a headache and felt feverish
i gave her a panadol
which didn't really work
and they suspected that its expired :(
which i don't think it has
dearies, panadols take 30 mins to take effect...
i hope lydia is feeling fine... its a bad time to get sick now :(

oh, math scenerio sucked becos i didn't finish it in time.
i think if it was a home assignment it wuld be like, so easy compared to the other scenerios
somehow i like math scenerios
they teach us like, interesting stuff and why this and why that. and makes us use our comman sense and logical thinking.
reminds me of mrs ng :(
ok, so i didn't finish it.
but i hope i will pass -prays hard-

jap is driving me crazy
thats all i can say

18.5/50

how else sucky can my jap get?

so do i have to keep my promise and quit jap like i've said, or shall i just pretend i've forgotten all about the promise i've made to myself time and time again?
6.5 more marks...
the only thought that keeps me cheerful is that

1. loads and loads of ppl failed
2. i am nt the lowest in class
3. the class's mean score is a fail
4. i scored 9.5/10 for listening compre

ok... at least it proves that i'm nt that lousy... okay maybe i am that lousy but at least i'm nt like e last in class anymore? i mean, the lowest was 5/50... nt that i'm gloating but usually i'm e one who gets e lowest in class all e time... and i'm prob e stupidest cos all the ppl lousier than me have already quit. and yeah the past 3 CAs i'm like, one of the very few failures but now its like so so so many truckloads of ppl failed so... well euu noe what i mean. and 9.5/10 for listening is a PURE MIRICLE okay... i usually fail listening like shit i can even get 0 one okay... quite proud of myself actually... teehee. maybe if i studied a little more and nt mis-study the counter part i might actually have passed...

i shall work DOUBLY HARD for CA5 !!!
which is unfortunately on 20 august
i shall make use of my 2 national day hols to WORK HARD !!!
JOAN CHAN EUU CAN DO IT !!!

cip is changed to this thurs, and was orginally on mon
I DOWAN TO SKIP BAND AND I WANT TO SKIP 3RD LANG
i kinda like band now :) at least, compared to 3rd lang
its getting interesting
and i haf e same fear of sia as poon becos poon likes to spring impromto questions that i dun even know what e question is dun even talk abt knowing e answer. and knowing that my jap sucks and i dun revise and study, she especially likes to pick on me :(

ppl haf found out frm experiments and experiences, that the best way to catch my attention is to call me 美仪
they can call me continuously to no avail but once they go 美仪 i will start hollering at them (which is quite an interesting thing to experience).
its a dangerous way of catching my attention.
i would advise you not to try

i want to get water babies :)))
they are SO SO SO CUTE
i shall get them this WEDNESDAY at j8 :)))

i shall pry myself off frm e comp and get a start on the dumb jap compo
-GROANS-

horrible me
thats my new msn nick
I SIMPLY HATE MYSELF

i feel so scared and lost. you know the kind of thingy where your stomach suddenly clenches with fear and you suddenly feel so scared of everything thats going on and just few like crawling into bed and never waking up or just running far far away.
thats how i feel all the time
i don't know how to put it across
i am just feeling very, very scared of how am i going to survive this week
and its nt just ordinary fear.
i am really really scared to the extent of tears
i don't want to think about anything
but i can't
i'm nt e kinda person who can pretend the problems are nt there and just be happy ever after
but sometimes i wish i was
i am really really scared

i wish i would just conk out and wake up 50 yrs had already past

i'm scared...

alright. slap me
how much more slackier can i get?

i am currently using sis's laptop cos i duno where mine's gone to. and i hate it cos i'm nt used to e keyboard, her screen's too bright and her blogger's somehow got an auto spell check, which underlines almost my every word cos its all short forms and slang

heck cares

sunday sch for my class today was only me
me, me and still me
how worse can it get?
we were discussing catholics
which was a pretty sensitive topic. at least, to me

i haven't got started on any work and i feel like dozing off cos its so cold and it'll be nice to snuggle into bed
but sadly, the truckloads of work is calling

horrible me

foc totally rawked :))))
i feel better everytime after foc

but now the gloom is coming back
this is week 6's schedue

wk 6
monday - math scenerio
tuesday - math test
wednesday - bio test, jap graded compo due
thurday - ting xie

geog portfolio due on wk 7 mon

and i'm quite sure they'll stuff smth into friday's free day cos that's what happened in wk 5, which meant we had a test every single day
and the worst thing is, math is on algebra which i totally suck at. and math scenerio wuld be under open book test conditions. and i totally DON'T KNOW A SINGLE DAMM THING abt bio and cells. and i always suck at ting xies.
shit me lah. i hope i can survive nxt wk

things i must do by monday:

- jap graded compo on 'my weekend'
- 100 word parliment speech on youth, education or sports
- ALOT ALOT ALOT of overdue bio worksheets
- book review
- memorise jap time, 3 jap worksheets
- great barrier grief IN assignment
- math worksheet
- chinese filing
- geog wb pg 78
- research on line symetry, rotational symetry and regular tessellation

ok. god bless me.
i am already feeling throughly stressed just by thinking abt the things i have to do and study
and i still have to work on my piano stuff
i just hope week 7 wuld come quickly
2 days hols, 1 day half-day, mon skip 3rd lang for cip, and the father wuld be coming back :))
so shiok man

i am feeling tied up
i miss my stuff animals so much.
ok, that was random
i haven't been playing with them for so long
i don't care if euu think i'm e childish-est person euu've ever met
i love my stuff animals

i think i'm getting fatter
-sighs :(((-

jiejie is going to move out on monday :(((
soon it wuld just be me and the mother at home
how pathetic

i think my cold's getting worse
i totally can't smell and taste anything now, and my hearing's badly impaired
i shld seriously invest on a jacket. its been raining quite alot lately
and i feel really frozen in buses
i've got a feeling i'm going to get really sick soon
i hope not. seeing how many things i've gotta do :((

being sick makes me drowsy
i'm cold. and being drowsy + sick + cold makes me want to sleep
but sadly i can't cos i've still got so many things to do
i seriously want to just plonk off to die

i hate myself

don't you hate me?

i am feeling better today :)))
at least my taste buds are working now, though still nt so effectively
and i can vaugely smell stuff
mum is making chocolate muffins !!!!

yest was kinda great
ok math was tedious, and e.lit was boring
PE was fun !!!!!!
we learnt how to play street netball and shoot :)))
and we're having inter-class competition nxt wk :P


sci sucked but i paid a teeny little bit of attention :)
drama was quite boring to me for e 1st time
we did poetry peformance
cos 1 of my grp members was... well... i shan't say anything
we took spastic pics :)))

chinese was just stoning
serious
cos we came in 15 mins late
zhang man li started scolding
and we stoned for 10 mins

chinese test was SUCKY
i didn't finish it
i kinda threw away 18 marks
forget abt e 40>
i'll be grateful if i just passed

band was great :)) and very funny
cos all of us were sooooo hyper
esp me!!! and diana
teehee ppl are just like super hyper on fridays :))

we practiced spartans :)))
i, and many band sec 1s, are just so obsessed with spartans
we keep humming the tune unknowingly
me and diana were so hyper we kept standing up and bouncing around while blowing :)))
and we influenced the trumpets too :))
i guess we blow really horribly
and thank goodness the main band was on e spects stand rehearsing for national day
they would have been horrified by what we were doing in e band rm

then after band we waited for esther to come back to give her her presents :))
did i mentioned that e whole band sang her a birthday song during berato?
so funny. esther looked so happy + embarrassed

me, qixuan and christine, the usual going home after band together ppl, went to the canteen before going home as usual :))
and we saw our sec2 seniors bringing out a cake, which i presume, was to celebrate esther's birthday :)
so sweet
if only my birthday was so significant
i rmb the times when me and clau planned to celebrate each other's birthday
and the teeny slice of chocolate cake i brought to sch for her
and moaning abt e fact we couldn't do it in pri sch
i miss those times

ok, this part of my post is delicated to someone whom i know has been reading my blog, but perhaps would stop reading it forever
i just hope that you'll read this part, even if its for the last time you'll visit my blog

i'm sorry. i'm really really really very sorry for all that i've done to make you're life miserable. perhaps you've never noticed but i can't life without euu. ok this might be so lame and gross to euu but its a fact. i've always felt horrible without euu around. i know you've totally had enuf of me. i'm sorry for whatever i've insulted euu with and the tactless way i post abt things that i shouldn't. i'm really sorry for the way i get jealous so easily and am so petty and overly sensitive. it really pains me to see the continuos posting and targeting on our blogs to each other. perhaps we would never be the best of friends ever again but i do hope you'll just simply stop hating me. and perhaps if possible, we could still be good friends.

those who is nt involved, just stop questioning me. its irritating.

my end of the week happiness has vanished completely
i just feel sick and tired
its a wonder how ppl can be so happy one instant, and be moody and upset at the other
i suddenly think of the amount of work i have and feel very sick
sarah wants to transfer sch nxt yr
and so does alot of ppl
maybe i shld really go with them
and start a new life altogether
i'm suffering in this sch

i shall still try to stay on a positive mode
foc starts in 1hr and 15 mins :)))

i am feeling elated and hyper today, but at e same time kinda sad. :(
i'm always this weird and temperamental

i am feeling lousy currently
i was looking forward to friday so much
and of all days, i had to fall sick today
i suddenly had a terrible sore throat this morning
and halfway thru chinese test i started sneezing and TADAH lo and behold, i've caught a terrible cold
horrible me
i shall post tmr
i want to go to sleep now

happy birthday esther :)

ahahaha. i feel weird everyday
today is likewise. teehee

lessons sucked today.
art was super slack
and math flew past in significant numbers and rounding off thingy
which i got pretty pissed with

recess was playing crocodile :))
i think i suck at those kinda games
i get super jumpy and anxious
i was going YEEEAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAHHHHHH everytime e 'crocodile' went near me
teehee
i think i laughed more den i ran
and kinda entertained clarissa and kmy alot =S

chinese sucked
zhang man li went thru compre
which i didn't do
and at this point halfway she got really pissed (long story) and asked who didn't do
and i stood up
i think zhang man li's really biased
long story too
so she scolded me and blah blah
and she scolded me extra cos i didn't take down e ans
which was cos i was scared she'll say i'm cheating or i'll be tempted to cheat. so i wanted to finish it during e weekends and mark it using someone elses marked paper.
and said she wanted to check my work tmr
and she expected me to get at least 40/50 for tmr's chinese test
PLEASE LOH IS SHE MAD OR WHAT
30 IS ALREADY VERY HIGH OKAY
SUMMORE MY CHINESE SUCKS LIKE HELL
I HATE ZHANG MAN LI
THE BIASED SARCASTIC PROUD *****
it sounds okay cos i'm typing all this
but it was really horribly sarcastic and i got really pissed okay

sci sucked even more
tan lee lee suddenly mentioned that there was a test nxt wed on chap 19 & 20
which instantly created an uproar
and she could only said, "didn't i tell euu already?"
KANASAI HER
I HATE TAN LEE LEE TOO
she's like, so unorganized and her teaching sucks like what lah
we got really, really pissed
i hate her like what
as much maybe much more than zhang man li

band was combined
i totally hate it
i really can't play anything properly in ms sia's presence
i am really scared of her that i always get a stomach ache during lunch before band
and then she tested e sec 1s on spartans
she told us to learn part a & b
THEN SHE SUDDENLY TEST US C, D, E
kanasai
i was playing rubbish i didn't even know what i was blowing
and to add on to e misery, a pimple popped out above my lip where my mouthpiece's supposed to be =[

i've decided that e trombone is a dangerous thing
i got THREE scars frm it
1 on my finger where i scratched it with my trombone
1 on my hand where i 'kiap-ed' it hard between e slide
1 long one on my leg scratched with it
and the pulau ubin scratch's scars are still there
-sighs-

actually there's still alot of things i want to post but i am far too sleepy and i still haf e chinese compre to finish
the weekends are gonna be horrible

oh dear, i'm gonna get a sore throat soon :(

i am feeling weird today
like a whirl of mixed feelings

today started off fine with boring english and then sci
we went to e lab to see cells again
onion and leaf
i wanted to puke at e smell of e onion
and developed a terrible headache later

i decided that bio has worsen my fear of worms
i dun like bio
i am never ever going to take bio
i hope we do nt haf to deal with worms anytime in sec 1 or 2 where its necessary to do bio

so then recess was fried food day
i hate fried food day
cos i get so tempted to buy food back to class to eat
and then i feel like puking cos of e oil and all
and end up throwing all e food away and wasting money
sighs

we watched e musical during music !!
i think it was 'notte dame' or whatever. just some french musical
it was damm wonderful
it was abt this gypsy called esmeranda who was in paris and 3 men loved her
1 is a security guy who is supposed to chase all gypsies out of paris
1 is this strict strict guy who i duno is who
1 is this retarded-crippled monster/guy
and in e end esmeranda died
i'm nt sure of e whole story cos we skipped alot of parts due to time constrain

it was so touching and melodic and all
i cried alot at all e parts e monster/guy sang, esp e part where e monster sang of his love to esmeranda and when he sang this part abt his crippled, pathetic state and how he hated his parents who abandoned him. cos his voice was like, so emotional and filled with sorrow and whatever. and also at e part where all the 3 guys sang their love to esmeranda. it was really touching and romantic and all. *sniffs*

i can't wait for music nxt wk where we will continue to watch it

ok, australian math competition was a suicide
i was so slpy and tired i gave up doing halfway and filled my oas with rubbish
and went to slp
cos anw, i was nodding off every 3 words i read. dun even talk abt doing e questions. they're horrible
and even if i was perfectly awake i wun be able to do them

me and qixuan ended up going to pizza hut :)
we talked abt alot of things and my problems which i've never told anyone before cos i was always scared they'll find it stupid. abt how i feel all e time abt ppl misunderstanding me and how much i think i've changed. and how upset i feel abt some stuff, how stressed i get sometimes and how i feel abt some ppl. and we talked abt our seniors and band stuff and wondered how wuld it be like in sec 2, 3, 4. haha. and and i think qixuan's positive attitude does rub of me alot cos by e time i left for 3rd lang, i felt more cheerful :)
and she said smth which touched me alot
"dun worry lah i wun quit band. i wun leave euu alone de"
that was sweet
it means alot to me, dearie :)

3rd lang was okay. i think i'm getting a little better now :)
except i have to work harder on vocab
as qixuan motivated me, either i quit and stop wasting my time, or i work harder.
she asked me if i liked jap.
i love jap. seriously i do. i feel the pride of being able to speak it and understand it and everything. i've wanted to learn jap since 5. i've always fantasize abt being able to speak and write it when i was young. and now i have the chance, i must make good use of it.
i shall start studying jap every saturday frm now. :)
thx qixuan for motivating me. the little that you do always means alot to me :)

i have a pile up of weekend homework
-sighs and shakes head-
but my HIBERNATION TIME frm fri night to sat late morn cannot be changed !!!!
i keep myself alive everyday by looking forward to it :)

ahhhaha. today was weird

geog test was sucky
i memorised e locations of e rivers but nt how it looks like
i mistook mississippi-missouri as gulf of mexico
mekong river as chang jiang
and spelt arctic ocean wrongly
kanasai
i pratically wrote rubbish on e structured questions on rocks

band was really slack and weird
we were in e music rm
den ms sia and mr ong came in together
and ms sia was teaching mr ong how to use this dumb irritating metronome/pitch thingy that makes alot of noise
so ms sia said, 'take out your windmills'
*scurrying noises*
'QUICK QUICK PASS THE PLASTIC BAG AHHHHH SHIT SHIT SHIT BLAH BLAH"
after awhile, she said, 'take out your bottles'
*scurrying noises*
'AHHHH SHIT SHIT WHERE'S E BOTTLES OH GOD BLESS ME OMG I DUN HAF HOW HOW'
these things go on in band, or at least among e sec 1s, very often

then we moved to music rm with mr ong
i tell euu we were damm slack okay
we tuned our notes and blah blah blah
and mr ong was talking and talking abt e importance of a tuner
then we played spartans over and over
den to teach us pitch and rythem, mr ong asked us to sing e tune
and only me and diana sang at 1st and everyone was staring
hahaha
den mr ong tested us our notes and wrote down some ppl's names for i duno what.
then i played
and there was this funny bubbling sound
so diana told me there was too much saliva in my instru
which i didn't believe cos as i didn't haf a water key, i wrapped e end with tissue paper and scotchtape.
so normally e tissue just absorbs e saliva
so then i took out my slide and tipped it over, believing that there was nth inside
and OH MY GOLLY WOSH sloshes of saliva streamed out
and we were in e dance studio
then mr ong started lecturing me on keeping e studio clean
while i mopped up e mess wif tissue
i tell euu there was SOOOOOOO much saliva inside okay
eww. it was pretty gross.
it's e 1st time i had to tip saliva out of my instru
cos i've got a missing water key and prefer to wrap e end with tissue and let it absorb e saliva
it was kinda fun if everyone wasn't staring at me and going EWWWW
makes me think of e time i just walked around with a missing water key
and nth wuld come out at all
i suppose we slacked half our time off last time

mr ong was really funny!!
and we laughed alot man. the whole thing was just so hilarious
oh haha

i am kinda fustrated
i stayed up late last night to make this pair of earings for someone
to find out that she didn't pierce her ears
AHHHHHHH
i can't think of anything else to give her
that mere thing seems so cheapskate
AHHHHHH
i wonder who started the tradition of giving presents

QIXUAN SHALL NT QUIT BAND
and shall go to kfc with me tmr =]]]

I JUST LOST $10. AGAIN
i feel so heartbroken
the last time it flew into e gap by the lift
now i duno where it disappeared to
i rmb i put it in my wallet yest when mum gave to me
maybe i dropped it onto e floor
or maybe i didn't put it into my wallet
sighs
i so 心痛 okay
$10 could last me for 2 days of lunch
$10 could buy me a nice new hp pouch
$10 could buy me 5 nice pens
I HATE MYSELF FOR LOSING MY $10

this is frigging irritating

i hate myself for nt getting started on studying of geog yet
with all e definations and rivers to memorize
i'm going crazy
and there's still e math competition and chiense test

its a bad week

gee. today was quite a horrible day
btw, random remarks

- i forgot to mention that voldermort died in harry potter 7
- i love my ij pinafore except that its hard to iron
- i love my hair except for e fact that its getting thicker

ok. so then i woke up at 7am today and obviously was late for sch
i reached sch at 8.30 man
i couldn't get a cab and the hotline was engaged
so i took a bus
sad
i had to endure some super sarcastic remarks frm zhang man li
and stares and questions frm everyone
asking how late i woke up
HELLO. YOU THINK ITS EASY LIVING IN SENGKANG WHEN YOUR SCH IS IN AMK WITHOUT A PERSONAL ALARM CLOCK AND CHAUFFEUR. AND REACHING HME AT 7.30PM > AND HAVING TO DO THAT 5 TIMES A WEEK AND HAVING A MUM WHU IS STILL ASLEAP EVEN WHEN EUU'VE ALREADY REACHED SCH AND EVERYTHING?! YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE WITH DADS TO DRIVE EUU TO SCH AND MUMS TO PREPARE BREAKFAST FOR YOU AND EVERYTHING, COUNT YOURSELF THE LUCKIEST PERSON ON EARTH. WHY DON'T YOU ALL TRY THIS YOURSELF. THEN PROBABLY YOU'LL UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO LIVE THIS WAY.
phew

the china guys came
honestly i think we really made an unecessary fuss over this
whats e big deal abt guys coming over to visit
even if they did sat beside euu
like they haven't seen or sat beside guys before
everyone noted that denise was kinda flirting wif e guy beside her. even thru prayer they were talking
- sighs -
sorry to say, it reminds me of alicia
history will always repeat

things on the emotional side went eventfully bad today
i do try to bear with it
but pls get your facts right before posting abt stuff which are totally all wrong
in fact, do you realise almost all your posts abt me are all the bad or insulting stuff?
and i'm nt allowed to post anything bad abt euu
okay. i think i'm almost used to everything thats going on
but today didn't went on as what you think where the problem lies

i cried a fair few times
and all thru zhang man li's stupid lesson
and thanks alot to vanessa and sarah for cheering me up =]
i just wished i never had to cry in the 1st place
but the comfort of having a few friends by your side cheering euu up and making you think you're important is pleasant
perhaps vanessa, you're the only one that ever understands the true reason why i'm upset everytime

i'm grping with sarah, vanessa and nienping for chinese and geography projects !! =]]
and ppl out there stop questioning me on things which are obviously inappropriate to ask abt
have you ever heard of something called plain rudeness and inconsideration?

then i met up with qixuan for lunch at amk hub's food court and had a quick look around =]]
we saw weiping there =]
weirdly, i think i'm e unfriendliest person among e 5 of us
i don't seem to get along with ppl all around
i think i ought to go for social relations courses

qixuan wants to quit band !!!!
if susan lim doesn't kill her, i will
QIXUAN YOU CAN'T LEAVE -bawls and wails loudly-
perhaps you don't know your importance
but you mean alot to me
you're the one that comforts, that understands, and is always by my side when i need you
like today when i was feeling lonely during lunch, you turned up
when i had anything bursting to say, i would tell you
when i felt weird by myself during band, i would always call you and you'll be there for me
you don't underestimate my problems, yet try make me feel better. you've never scorned me, and you've never gotten angry or blamed with me for being in a bad temper and snapping at you. you've always understood my mood swings, and never irritated me or pissed me off esp when i'm feeling down. instead, you make me feel better. you've never bossed me around, take me for granted, make me feel left out or bad and everything. yet, you make me feel important, special. like you really want my company.
you're my bestest friend in band. in fact, perhaps even my best friend in this sch and in my entire life.
my life in band wuld be torn apart if you leave
QIXUAN PLEASE DON'T LEAVE

i am feeling throughly misersble

how can i fear, Jesus is near
he ever watches over me
worries all cease, he gives me peace
how can i fear with Jesus

I AM SO SORRY ALL THE UNLINKED PPL

phew i survived piano

I TELL EUU MY MUM IS SO UNREASONABLE
she gave my new pe shirt to my eldest sis
which i bought with my own money
claiming that she doesn't even see me wear pe shirts.
hello. thats cos i like to change to blouse after recess? or maybe she's just to occupied with her own nonsense that she doesn't even notice.
and like she didn't even ask me okay
and i bought it wif my own money
when i told her, she said: "IT DOESN'T BELONG TO EUU. EVERYTHING OF EUU BELONGS TO ME AND I HAVE E RIGHT TO TAKE IT BACK"
FINE. TAKE MY LIFE ALONG WITH IT
so pissed lah okay
and she scolds us for borrowing our eldest sis's stuff
like hello
this is e most unreasonable thing i've ever heard
and she likes to scold and nag me for stuff that my sis's does worse, like nt wearing the clothes that i bought. for that she shld be nagging herself 1st. and like hello, when i finally wear smth, she goes like, "why i never see you wear this this this" then another day i wear the "this this this" she mentioned she'll ask, "why i never see you wear that that that"
LIKE HELLO HOW MANY DAYS I WEEK DO I WEAR STUFF BESIDES SCH UNIFORM AND SLEEPING STUFF
this is so unreasonable
i wun be surprised someday she sees me wearing my pinafore and asks why i didn't wear the other one for such a long time
and she scolds me for nt leaving food for my eldest sis to eat
when i painstakingly help mum to keep e food into e fridge e nxt morn e sister is still asleap and food is still untouched
and she lets my sis eat my share of dinner without fuss just cos i cum home so late sometimes and is so tired that i plop down on bed resting for a mere 10 mins
and when i haf nth to eat she scolds me for nt eating earlier
THIS IS PLAIN INJUSTICE

forget it
i shall start working on jap

my history coursework is done so horribly i'm quite sure i'll fail
and AHHHH i've got so much work undone
i'm a gonner
heck cares for now
i shall have to rush my dinner and go for piano
and AHHHH i haven't practiced the swan and haven''t perfected the march and haven't done my theory work !!!!!
kanasai me lah
i am officially dead

I'VE OFFICIALLY FINISHED READING HARRY POTTER 7 AT 2AM THIS MORNING
i am like, so happy
the plot and storyline was really good
but i guess there are some loopholes and unexplainable and un-understandable stuff
the story's really complicating and i was rushing to read it
i shall re-read it when i have e time
anw, i think dumberdore died afterall
nt very sure
i told euu it was complicating
but somehow he appeared at e end
haiiyoh
many many died in e book
lupin, mad eye, tonks, fred, colin and many other hogwarts ppl too
so sad. many other sad and touching things happened too
i cried alot alot alot while reading
but at least it was kinda a happy ending

anw, kmy has been updating me abt e kebun baru family day
which i never had any intention to take part
cos 1. its too crowded 2. i gotta go church 3. like i got nth better to do for cip
its held at bishan park
oh how i miss that place
i used to live opposite bishan park. at blk 405
and we would go cycling there every weekend
until e park became so deserted
i duno how it is now
i miss that place where i grew up

and eww this is so gross
i was telling kmy abt worms in e grass couple days ago. cos when it rains really heavily their homes in e ground will be flooded and they'll have to come out. its true -nods seriously-
so then today it rained before e kebun baru walk it rained. and EWWW according to kmy there were like damm many worms dere okay. like everywhere euu walk there'll be worms and you surely will tread on some. earthworms, millipedes, centipedes and everything. and they were like 7-10 cm long ?!?! eww and most of it got squashed unknowingly by ppl. yuck. i think if i went there i would have fainted.
*shudders* this is so gross and frightening
i hope i dun get nightmares tonight

and anyway, the jiejie is back!!!
she popped in suddenly last night at 11.30pm while i was reading, dressed like some malay woman for her bollywood night thingy. very un-expertly.
and hola, there she finds her bed mounted with rubbish
which i was guilty for. teehee
cos e mother told me she wuld be coming back on monday

i had better go finish that idiotic history coursework and mounts of jap e-learning
*groans loudly*

I AM FRIGGING PISSED
yah you're right is there anything wrong in being engrossed in a book
but what abt if euu went to tell e whole world that i am engrossed in HARRY POTTER
esp a CHRISTIAN
yah right you're right i'm a horribly bad christian i read stuff that i shldn't be reading
but honestly i dun think there's anything wrong in reading it. am i that stupid to actually believe in witchcraft after reading harry potter? then shldn't we be also avoiding reading narnia and all other fiction books?
and must you tell e whole world abt it?
like they even care that i just bought e book today and am so engrossed in reading it?
and then when i talk to my friends abt you you're nt happy
does this make sense?
this is plain injustice

why do euu like to talk bad abt me to eur friends?
and think i duno anything
oh haha you have just officially voted me as singapore's stupidest kid
and when we're arguing in attempt to make yourself seem faultless all those 1st class nonsense just come out.
and when i try to show you your faults you'll immediatelly change to a different subject
that is the dumbest thing i've ever seen

i shall resume reading
i am pissed

i feel the constant sense of dull aching pain inside me when i read e deathly hallows
there's like so much loss and sorrow and unhappiness
and the stuff's really complicating and everything
my eye's are really tired
i'm only thru half of the book and i guess will never be able to finish reading by this weekend
and i still got alot of undone stuff
so i gotta read nxt weekend, which sadly i've got teens fellowship
somehow i feel like crying very much
i want to be the normal me i used to be
but sadly, those times's already past and things will never be the same
i hate my life

i duno what is happening. its like i'm suddenly overcome by fear. i'm really scared to face everything i have to face. it seems even worse than death. i dread every single day of my life. things just keep going over and over again in the same tedious way.
i'm scared to live

i'm off to rush history and geog
test schedue nxt wk:

• Monday >> EL Letter Writing
• Tuesday >> Geography Common Test
• Wenesday >> Australian Maths Competition
• Thursday >> FREE!!!
• Friday >> CL Test (we will be released 10min later than usual)

credits to may shuen

and there's so many things to do and so little time to finish them
i want to cry
i really want to

if only miricles happen....

OMG I AM SO HAPPY
HARRY DIDN'T DIE
AND DUMBERDORE DIDN'T DIE TOO
COS HE GOT A BIG SECRET
which i duno what cos i cheated by reading the last few pgs and e chapter names 1st
teehee
I AM SO HAPPY
and i there was e chapter 19 yrs later
THIS BOOK WULD BE DAMM EXCITING
WHOOHOO
I SHALL HOP STRAIGHT INTO READING IT

today morning i woke up, and lay down there for what seemed like a thousand years listening to the recording of merry widow over and over, looking forward to the day when i can finally be play a part in these wonderful music. and i wonder, why couldn't life be like this everyday?
ppl chiong and rush so much to compete with each other. and by competeting with each other we compete its all for the sake of competeting with other countries. so why can't the whole earth slow down a little and everyone will be happy ever after? afterall someday we'll die and earth will die too so whats e point of working like mad when it'll make no difference when the earth dies? and we should enjoy the time we have on earth to the fullest, shouldn't we?
i can never fanthom the way people's minds work

yest was hilarious and interesting!!
but i shall nt give you e details
cos i've got terribly short term memory
i think my memory's deteriorated alot after i came to sec sch
sighs
and i guess i've changed alot too
these simple changes does do much to a person

i am so excited to go collect harry potter and spend the whole of today reading it non stop
so i guess i shall simply go to hougang to get my crystals though ppl's park centre's cheaper
yay!!
and i guess i might be able to meet some old tuition friends there
i do miss 苏老师学堂
maybe if my chinese gets real bad i shall go back there again
and i do hope i will be able to finish my hw this weekend
+ HISTORY COURSEWORK!!!

mum's getting unreasonable
she hasn't given me allowance for 2 mths
and when i ask it frm her she says that i owe her more
does that make sense?
how does she expect me to live 15 hrs out per day without money?

I AM ALIVE !!!!!
like wow, this week was tedious even without 3rd lang
i kinda can't even believe i survived this wk

i am sooo slpy and prepared to drop off into my hibernation period
but mum forgot that i reminded her nt to cook dinner and is cooking now
so i am making terribe effort to stay awake for dinner
how exciting -rolls eyes-

and oh, just ignore e last post. i wasn't feeling quite right then. and sorry kmy and lydia... i think i really shld learn to look frm other's point of view instead of just being plain selfish. i know you both have to tolerate my frequent mood swings alot; my grumpiness and moodiness, complete with sudden jolts of eccentric and spastic periods. and i guess it isn't very nice having me as one of eur co-sitting partners cos i'm always too engrossed in reading during e.lit, slping during bio and malay, working like some mad idiot during math, stoning during history and hcl, doodling during c.lit and geog and everything else... and i guess there are times when i am just plain grumpy that i flare up at the slightest things. and i suppose its nt too nice to hang out with a constantly depressed person. well, i guess its pretty hard living with me.

on a brighter note, today was quite okay =]
i will consider giving you the details tmr
though i've forgotten most of them? heehee. -laughs sheepishly- and the really funny parts.
i might go to people's park centre or simply go to hougang where my old tuition centre was to get the crystals to make presents tmr
its so sad that last yr i was still so enthu abt beading, and still am, but have totally no time to do it anymore. -sighs miserably-
i shall try to be HARDWORKING for once and study geog on e way

i will work hard for GEOGRAPHY TEST on tues
i dowan to fail again
JAP CA4 RESULTS IS MOST PROB COMING OUT THIS MON
God bless me

ok, perhaps the previous post was kinda shallow cos i was far too tired
but i feel a teeny bit more energised after having dinner and checking my diary and seeing that there is very little hw we have to do, which i can finish tmr morn

yes, i can tell very very clearly, we're drifting apart
and its nt only me, others can too
do you know how depressing it is for countless ppl to ask me all the time, what is going on between me, you and lydia?
and perhaps becos of e fact that you've been popular all your life, you won't really understand
but lydia, i know that you know how it feels
can you ppl pls try to spare a thought for me?
nth will come out of it... isn't everything's starting to take shape now?
i feel like some kinda standby, a reserve. where i'm only taken in when no one else wants to.
am i destinied to be this kind of person for all my life?
and perhaps you think i don't know what you're saying, but i do have a rough idea
and yes, maybe i have to agree with you, all this things abt me hating hyprocrites, maybe i'm the biggest one myself
but perhaps if you ppl would take one step further to try to understand me, you'll be able to see things better
and why am i always nt allowed to be angry when you people can get angry with me over stupid things
when i'm angry with you ppl, you ppl turn the tables and get angry with me instead
does that make sense?

i am really tired
i don't think i can ever survive tmr
perhaps i really wish i'll get dengue, maybe i'm even fanticising abt it and thats why i keep thinking i'm going to gat dengue. then for once, i lie in bed staring at the ceiling week after week and enjoying the passing moments of peace.

i feel quite rotten and tired today

it all started off in the morning during morning jog
i was jogging when i saw weiping strolling thru e gates with that stupid windmill, obviously very late.
if i was late i wouldn't be walking in, i'll be crashing in

and i officially declare this person frm 1 unity hates me to the core
i just know it
and then smth happened at the end of e jog
which was maybe a small matter to you
but perhaps if you were me you would have taken this more seriously than i did

so cme was abt racial discrimation
i dun really like zhang lao shi's cme lessons
she doesn't know how to teach properly
but just talks abt all the 人生大道理

malay was terrible
art was very slack
math was boring

recess was rushing around promoting 1 justice cos we were in our class tee for dikir baraht, and getting food, then rushing back to class to rehearse 1 last time.
we added things last min so i guess it didn't run as smoothly as it could.

then there was bio where mrs tan started talking abt worms again
i stapled and scotchtaped the 2 pgs showing worms together and wrote warning signs. =X
and she reduced kmy to tears cos she was so angry that mrs tan was treating her like shit over e sci files. now she knows how i feel with mrs kwan
then we moved to the ava rm to see a video

then there was dikir baraht which was nt very smooth sailing
the front row ppl duno disappear where liao so i was standing at e front
and e drummers went to e side and we couldn't really hear e effect
and the singers didn't hold mikes

but i guess we all really did our best
at least, some of us did
1 truth won, which was nt surprising cos their performance was really superb and really alike e real dikir baraht and all
but i was surprised 1 grace could win second cos it wasn't really like and they were singing kinda unrelavent songs

lunch was spent having a stomach ache and feeling nauseous frm thinking abt sia
i threw away half of my ham and cheese toast

but in e end sia didn't come -.-"
we had sectionals in e forum
so e sec 1s were sitting a row below e rest of them
so they had to shout alot
and i felt really sleepy and tired
so whenever we were given few mins break i would immediately nod off to sleep
and when e main band went off to prac spartans, anthem and sch song, we totally slacked half e time off
which is quite sad

so i'm finally home now
sch is kinda untolerable now
i'm feeling very tired becos of it
but i'm feeling rotten becos of another thing

this thing i read made me tear

i think i am like getting closer to Lydia now.. (but maybe drifting further away from some others). Perhaps sitting with someone allows you to take another step into ur friendship. like how sherbelle and i used to not really talk to become like..friends :]] but now i find that sometimes i can tel Lydia stuff that i don't really tell people. And she tells me stuff that she doesn't want me to tell people. so i guess..that's where the connection is...

i feel horrible. i'm such a total failure in this aspect of my life.
but perhaps it is the plain, terrible truth
things are forever changing

i think abt all the wonderful ppl frm rvps who i will never forget, but have already officially left my life. the ppl who had always by my side, when i'm feeling down, or unhappy, they were always there. they've never abandoned me when i needed help. they've always been there for me.

michelle. you were always my best confidant, my comforter. you've never made me feel bad abt what i think. you understand my problems. i could always talk to you abt all my 心事, and you've always made me feel better.

karen. you're always bringing fun and laughter to my life. you're always my best partner in junk food eating and peach tea indulging. you're always my best chatting-abt-maple partner. you would always give me advice on gaming and stuff. you bring me joy.

felix, elton, zhengqian. you guys were always stupid. your stupid lame jokes and nonsensical rubbish. but it does make me laugh. sometimes having a little rubbish is a gd thing. you ppl do make my blood boil sometimes but i do appreciate the laughter and nonsense you give me.

zhengjia, jiahan, alicia, and all you other amazing ppl i know, i really miss you loads. you were always there for me, to accompany me, to help me, and just for pure enjoyment.

claudia. i've got so much to say to you. i still see you everyday in st. nicks, but you're nt the you i've known since pri 4. we've gone thru so much, though its only a mere 3 yrs. all that problems and competition against each other, our friendship grew stronger. but why did it have to turn out like this? perhaps we were never meant to be together. even when in e same sch our friendship couldn't sustain. i really miss you. the old claudiie-diie i used to know. all those times spent planning suicides and chalet parties and movies or shopping trip. the studying together, the crying together. the beading lessons we had together. i will never forget them. i really really miss you , but do you?

i really miss all you wonderful ppl out there
and i can't accept it as a fact you've all left my life for good
perhaps it takes time for the truth to sink in
through all the tears during the chalet party we had
i still can't accept this horrible truth

perhaps i could say even more than this. except i am far too tired to type grandmother old stories.
i can't stop the tears
i am simply too sick of all these things repeating

1 more day to go
i don't know how long more can i hold on...

the tears will dry
but the scars would remain

new skin =]
nice?
i think this looks brighter and more cheerful than all the old ones
lest ppl start accusing me of being depressed again =S

i now found out how it is to have a own rm
i can on e lights every morn when i wake up
and make as much noise as i want
instead of sneaking around like some burglar
and having to hear the sister's consistant errie sleep-groaning & moaning
and i can occupy her bed while doing my work
and there's more space around too

but i still miss the jiejie
the rm seems abit too silent without her around with the constand 中国话 and 听我说，手牵手我们一起走 songs
and she was the one who told me abt e murder ballad, where e wild roses grow -looks at lydia and kmy
and the card games and stupid stuffed animal talking nonsense
and the hk dramas
i miss euu jiejie

it will be a good day tmr -nods vigrously
or maybe not

i have officially became the world's bored-est and tired-est person today

i have a nagging feeling i'm gonna get dengue soon
esp since sengkang has already been classified as one of the middle range dengue infected areas
and i, sadly, live on the ground floor with all the plants and insects

i woke up late cos i forgot to set my alarm
so sadly, i had to cab to sch
i am seriously going broke soon

some lessons were really hilarious today
but i spent a morn quite depressedly
i think you know the reason

i finally got started on washing 1 pair of my sch shoes
which is great
but it is what kinda made me tired
you don't want to know how dirty my shoes are

wasabi was great too

dikir baraht is tmr
i do hope it goes fine

i feel sick

when will you ever understand...

yay! e-learning is done =]

i shall do sci filing at sch tmr, and hist wb tmr morn at 4am.
teehee. the usual routine starts over

you just don't understand.
and i expect you will never
is that how you feel?
why don't you try standing in my point of view
then perhaps you would understand a teeny bit better
i don't understand you either
the way your mind works
if you have the ability to get irritated, why can't i too?
afterall, i suppose i am more sensitive
or to put it in a worse way, petty

perhaps you find it comfortable to trash it out
but my unhappiness has been oppressed for a long time
ok, maybe nt that long
but still, i've never trashed out whatever i wanted to say before. becos after living for 13 yrs as a big mouth, i haf realised that there may be dire consequences to our words.
it isn't as simple as we think it will be
there are always after effects
i stare into the ceiling, stare through the bus window, look into space, that is when i do have the leisure time to do so, and wonder, why am i such a failure in this aspect of my life?

yes, perhaps i know what many ppl think of me
i'm a big mouth who talks extremely much, the person who screams and yells like a mad idiot, who gets depressed over the stupidest things, who is extremely tempremental with weird mood swings, who looks sad all the time.
perhaps i might just make an amendment. stop thinking i look depressed all the time. even when i am feeling perfectly normal, you say i'm depressed. what is wrong with you people?
anyway, yes i suppose i am such a person.

but perhaps if you probe a little further, and exercise a little thinking skills, you might find the reasons and causes behind all this.

i am so tired that i shall plop straight to bed

i miss you... but do you realise it?

ah well... i guess today wasn't such a good day
it started off fine
with me and kmy being crazy
and loads of other high ppl

and we were so bored during c.lit that our whole row, which comprises of index 8-14 which is yanlin, jane, me, minyu, jessica, clarissa and grace, took off our belts and attached them to the belts of e person sitting beside us.
got it?
nevermind
it was so hilarious

then there was dnt which i've always loved
we're making table lamps =]
though mine so far, doesn't look very good
i acidentally mistook light blue for transparent, and ruined my whole butterfly
and my battery cover is lopsided
ah well
lydia accidentally set her acrylic on fire
kmy was so curious that she made lydia do it again =X

then me, grace and denise went for lunch
and rushed to band
and we were staring at the water vapour rising frm the track cos it was so hot
so then mr cher made some announcements
there were some negative remarks abt band during open hse
like how unglam we sit with our legs wide open and skirts up
and the international band competition is cancelled !!!
so sad
no more genting to look forward to.
and we're nt even going to dubai now cos the dad will be coming back to attend my cousin's wedding
that was disappointing

i won't say i enjoyed sectionals
i was.... different
i can't help but remember chromatics by the positioning cos its so easy
1-7654321-54321
as said, trombones is e easiest to cheat
and i can't get used to playing with the trigger
and whenever i i use the trigger thingy, it either gets stuck, or it gives out this funny 'tehhhhhhhhhhh' sound.
i don't really like it
but ms sia wants us to play with trigger
anw, just as well, i don't want aching arms to add to my hurting lips

and yes, my tone, pitch, sight reading and positioning and everything totally sucks like what.
i can't seem to drop my jaw, no matter how hard i try
do you know how difficult it us to rmb to drop your jaw, adjust your lip on e mouthpiece, rmb nt to press, rmb to tongue, control your air speed, use air support, sight read and rmb e positionings, and listen that your note is at e right pitch at e same time?
i feel half dead everytime after band pracs

by e time band prac ended my lips were hurting like kanasai. there was like, a burning and stinging feeling?
i shall nt press ever again when i blow
it still hurts now

i reached home at 8 today
don't ask me how
me and qixuan loitered around e sch until 6.50
and the frigging buses took hell long to come

i am hell tired today

this is horribler
after watching so many hk dramas since we got cable tv, i really find singapore's drama serials really terribly substanderd
actually, the storylines and stuff is still okay but the acting is kinda lousy
sighs

i think i like e way my printer ink works
mess free and easy to use too
but theres smth wrong with my printer lately. it prints everything lopsided

the heat wave is on again
sighs

i am missing the sister who is currently somewhere in malaysia for her NTU camp thingy
how am i going to survive alone when she moves to hostel?

today was a HORRIBLY HAPPY AND WONDERFUL DAY !!!
heehee. you seldom hear me saying that
lalala~
today was totally great man
i went to sch
in e morn i was reading chinese cinderella over for the 100th time
to stop myself frm diverting my attention to it during e.lit. heehee
then i found out that we were dismissed at 1.30 today cos of o lvls listening compre =]]]]]]
gosh. what a good start to a great day

then there was assembly
and they announced that mrs tan wun be here that day
and me and kmy went: "YAY YAY YAY MRS TAN NT HERE MRS TAN NT HERE" -blank look- "chey today dun even haf bio...."
diao
you will never know how much i dislike bio
then they announced the head prefect and monitor
and TADAH, it was marilyn and andrea
i was hoping it wuld be shufen... ah well
at least the head prefect was to my liking =]
and then mrs goh talked to e sec1s abt cip
e duno what children's home
where e kids are horrible. smearing glue on our pinafores and scratching and kicking us and blah
actually many ppl got skeptical abt going there but i got more excited. teehee. cos i want to see for myself how its like. hohum. it'll definately be a new experience

so then there was english and math

and i found out i can multi task very well now. haha. there was the time in pri sch where the teachers knew whatever was going on even if you were trying to do your hw under e table or smth. but now its like, a total change. i do my math hw in broad daylight in front of mrs kwan she doesn't even notice. i suppose its just the rush and bustle in the sec sch that makes it comman and necessary for students to multi task and teachers to overlook it.

and the high-ness of e whole class was spoilt by the return of our math test. sigh. loads of ppl failed lah... so disappointing. i got 33/60 for paper 1 and 9/15 for paper 2. ah well. but look on e bright side, at least i passed =]

then recess was spent doing crappy stuff in e classrm. teehee

geography was rather boring.
a relief teacher, ms lam came in.
we were talking about floodplains and deltas, in which i don't think much of it went into my head
ms lam was talking in this un-listenable strange accent that i didn't really liked
and chinese was so boring that i fell asleap

PASTA MANIA AT J8 !!!!
angelique and sarah went too =]]]
we were acting like mad idiots while walking down to ave 4, then we cabbed to j8
and e 3 of them ate creamy chicken pasta, while i had a baked rice =]]]
i'm going broke soon
then we walked around j8. then angelique had to leave and sarah left with her =[[
so qixuan and i continued walking
and we found out that our shopping taste we're really alike =]]]
so we're going shopping together this sat to get me a bigger pencil case and perhaps, a nice jacket. and someone's birthday present -looks at qixuan-
my dream pullover costs $56 *GASPS FOR AIR*

so bad me shopped till 4.30
when i was suppose to be at home to do e-learning
bad, bad me
but i just thought i ought to make full use of my free days =]]
so this is how free days are like
the 3rd lang disapproving monster inside is roaring again

maybe i shall nt haf wasabi lunch on wed afterall
i feel so fat-full and bad. sighs
i shall wait till the nxt free day, which will prob be sept hols?

i shall do my art, dnt research and jap e-learning (groans) now
and the history coursework is still undone
sighs
but teehee. i got loads of time on wed to finish it
I LOVE LIFE LIKE THIS
if only it could be continuous -thinks of moelc-
but nevermind, i shall enjoy life while i can =]]
its a good week ~~~

i've suddenly changed my mind
everything will not be alright
it will not be a good week
things will not, and will never, change for the better
i am suddenly feeling tired of my life after reading my past few month's posts
all the griefs and injustice and unhapiness
-sighs miserably-

i have this new policy that i must at least drink something (besides water) every morning before school
becos it scientifically proven we do worse in school without breakfast
so i shall compromise with a drink
and perhaps try to get some food on test days
but sadly, i hardly have time in e morn
so now i'm making my drink at night =] then refrigate it. and in e morn no more mess, haste and it'll be chilled somemore =]]
arn't i a genius =] haha jkjk.

but now a problem's occured.
i made too much coffee just now. so i drank an extra like half a cup of it.
and i can't sleep now
sigh.
i shall try i must try
or else i shall suffer tmr

piano went eventfully enuf
stephanie must have thought i was the weirdest student she had ever met
so i was doing my theory and chatting with kmy
then i realised it was 10mins to piano
so i rushed there
and rmb that i forgot to cut my nails
so i rushed back and grabbed a nailclipper
and was clipping my nails while i was walking
so i burst into yamaha
to find her there helping her student choose books
so i went in and was staring at e 1 sided window on e door
cos if euu look frm inside it was a mirror
frm outside you could actually look thru
so i was tidying my hair
when stephanie opened the door
and i jumped back in horror
and banged into e piano
cos e rm is so frigging cramped
she kept apologizing
while i kept saying its okay

so then we played a few songs
and she asked me if i wanted to get my grade 2 book
so i told her i wanted to do grade 3
she gave me that look that said plainly, "fickle minded"
yes, i am very fickle minded
so she said okay, lets try a grade 3 song
i immediately chose swan lake
cos i heard sis play it before
and it sounds super nice
then she gave me a shewed look and said, "you play before izzit?"
cos my sis's piano teacher wrote e date and some stuff on it
so i told her, my sis played it but i didn't
she looked like she didn't believe me
until she saw and heard how horribly i played
hohum. i never knew swan lake was so hard to play

then we did theory
cos i did as much as i could
i left a few tedious pgs in e middle blank
cos e exercises keep repeating and its super boring cos i know how to do it all already
so she was marking. then stopped
then she flip few pgs
and continued marking
and asked me why i didn't do e pgs in e middle and was it cos i didn't understand
i went, "er... no... ermh... just didn't felt like doing"
and she gave me an amused look and went 'okay....'
so she marked finish
and said i could continue e rest at home
then we did grade 3 scales
which i totally forgot

and then we went out to get my books
we got a grade 2 theory and e grade 3 exam pieces and sight reading.
and i when i paid, the counter aunty asked why did i had nets
and i said, "cos i don't have cash?"
stephanie laughed and the counter aunty looked confused
so i said, "oh, with parents approval you can get nets at 12 yrs old"
so the counter aunty looked less blur
i paid up, which was $26++
which was quite cheap but mum thought it was super ex

and woah. i kinda regret when i look at grade 3's piano pieces.
the alternative ones look good enuf
but i shall nt waste e book i haf already bought
i shall work very hard
and I CAN DO ANYTHING IN CHRIST THAT STRENGTHEN ME =]]]
but i tell you, my 2003 piano pieces were easy like shit okay
its like now's grade 2 pieces
sighs

the grandmother's here
and i can hardly converse the simplest of sentences with her with the scatter of the few cantonese words i know
but i understand though
so i sit there listening to her talk and going, orh orh orh
pray that her eyes recover soon =]

i'm looking forward to a good wk ahead
no 3rd lang, no ms sia
i anticipate the day when i finally set my heart to quit 3rd lang
which is nt anytime soon
i do hope i don't develope a sore throat tmr, which will spoil my mood to go pasta mania with qixuan... =[
and i shall go and eat dinner, and then do my dnt and bio research
and shall shove the history coursework out of the picture in e meantime

You scored as English, You should be an English major! Your passion lies in writing and expressing yourself creatively, and you hate it when you are inhibited from doing so. Pursue that interest of yours! English 100% Theater 83% Linguistics 75% Journalism 75% Philosophy 58% Engineering 50% Chemistry 50% Art 50% Dance 50% Psychology 50% Mathematics 42% Anthropology 33% Sociology 33% Biology 25% What is your Perfect Major? created with QuizFarm.com

ok, so i think this is pretty true.
though i think biology should be zero.
and dance, engineering and art should go below math.
english, theater, journalism, philosophy <333
anthropology, sociology and biology is definately nono for me.

but still, I LOVE ENGLISH <333
but i think my mum would be horrified if i said i wanted to go and study english
the funny thing is, i still don't see the point of studying so hard now cos my ambition is to become a good english teacher someday. and maybe math too =]

2 more hrs to piano!!
the hw is still untouched =[

taking a break frm theory work... its so driving me crazy. that old idiot piano teacher, despite my protest, made me buy this book. which is not only not approved by abrsm, it totally doesn't teach me anything but simply gives me loads of practices to do. which i find it so frigging irritating cos i keep having to refer to the theory guide my sis gave to me, and i don't see any point in doing so many stupid exercises cos to me its more impt to understand the concept and logic behind everything. in short, that book is just plain dumb
but sadly, i'm stuck with it. that is, until i complete it. but seing that there is so many stupid time consuming exercises, some even repeating the same questions 3-4 times, i don't know when will i ever finish that book, though i already understand everything in it.
this is so dumb.

and i am in a slacky mood today and feel like doing anything except my history coursework, bio and dnt research.

anyway, my fave hymn to date:

Lord i need you

Sometimes when life seems gentle and blessings flood my way,
I turn my gaze away from You and soon forget to pray.
But when the sky grows darker and courage turns to fear,
My anxious voice cries upward with words you long to hear.

Lord, I need You when the sea of life is calm.
O Lord, I need You when the wind is blowing strong.
Whether trials come or cease, keep me always on my knees.
Lord, I need You. Lord I need You.

Lord, help me to remember I'm weak but You are strong.
I cannot sing apart from You, for Lord You are my song.
Although I'm prone to wander and boast in all I do;
Lord keep my eyes turned upward so I depend on You.

i hit the gym for a 3km today !!!!
i feel so accomplished

there was only 5 ppl at foc today, nt including uncle joshua and aunty dorothy
sad right....
we talked about e prodigal son story
and had to write a script on it in 15mins (#@*#!#$*)
i think i wrote wrongly cos i didn't write. i illustrated. and i didn't add in e elder brother and e moral of e story. -sighs and shakes head-
then uncle joshua talked about e topic, 'chiong all night'
i didn't think it was very helpful
cos afterall, i don't think they know us very well
今时不同往日le lah
thats what i keep trying to tell my mum, who insists on the opposite

so after i went to e gym (3km!!!!) i went to e reading/playing rm to read cos i didn't feel like going back to the stuffy house
it hit me that nowadays kids have become so unruly and insufferable
they go around screaming like mad idiots
throw things at me who is reading and minding my own business
kick me and don't say sorry
and their parents just sit there looking on fondly as if its such an achievement
what is wrong with the current society?

anyway, i caught e ending of shrek 2 on e tv there
frm e part where shrek took e potion onwards
it was so touching okay
and i fairytale folks are so cute

i do feel very happy about e 3km
can't wait for piano tmr =]
sis is trying to make me watch this video called smth like 'the cave' or wdv with her
but i want to finish my theory work and go to sleep
i've got loads of schwork to do
but i shall worry abt them tmr. so there
and qixuan, rmb e PASTA MANIA!!!! appointment =]
and WASABI on wednesday !!!!
its a big thing that i'm able to go out to a restaurant for lunch on a sch afternoon =]]

ok, here's my going-to-be super long post
i'll update e pics another time

i've read some ppl's blogs and found out that ms sia wun be coming on tues
HAHAHA. I'M SO SO SO SO SO HAPPY OKAY
no words can express how happy and relieved i feel now
see, i told you it'll be a good week ahead

anyway, i just found out frm my outdated papers, 777 ppl got married on 070707.
so damm cool rite
what a coincidence
or maybe it might have been pre planned... hmm.... >:(

and oh, my siddharta gautama letter arrived before i could warn anyone in my hse
e eldest sis tot it was her letter and opened it
ha. luckily i wrote my name on e fullscape
my letter turned out to be frm xinhui. e maple lover
this is what it said:

Dear Siddharta,

How are you? How do you like Singapore? As you know, you will be joining my school Ola-Ola school located at florida beach. We will be learning Hawaii dances and how to pluck coconuts, crack them and eat them. We will also learn how to canoe and make our own Hawaiian skirt.

There are many places of interest in Singapore! For example, the mushroom shrine, where we will learn to walk like mushrooms for as long as you are inside. There's also the ludibrium, the toy factory, where there will be gigantic teddy bears and panda soft-toys towering you.

You can shop at El Nath, where it's snowing all the time! They sell many goods there, and also provide the best woollen clothes for winter. The ear-muffs there are really cool!

Also, you can try looking and playing around in the magical forest, ellinia. From there, you can take a ship to ossuroa, also known as orbis, which is full of clouds and fairies.

And there is an alien-filled place called the omega sector, where there are aliens everywhere.

Then there is the korean folk town, where there's a huge library full of toys rats that can move. you can shop for your school supplies there.

I can't wait to meet you in this wonderful ola-ola school! Hope you can come soon!

Love, Xinhui

haha. i suppose only ppl whu play maple story, or haf played before wuld understand the hillarious-ness of this letter
reading it make my stomach ache of the longing to play maple
i haven't played it for such a long time i suppose i've forgotten how to
but anyway, i haven't got the time ):

anyway we played with e microscope on wed! so fun. i put my comb under e micro and saw my dandruff between e teeth. ewwwww. and i put a strand of my hair underneth and it was soo FAT okay. although i've already thinned it. it looks jagged at e end but on top its really FAT. omg it was so cute okay =]]] i love my hair =]]]
though its getting thicker. sighs...

i got really jealous when everyone left for swimming and i, yuting and elspeth had to stay behind
-sighs miserably-
but at least poon is getting nicer and i kinda understand what's going on in jap now

and anyway, lately there's been alot of theft going on.
my batik paintings and countless pens and pencils are gone
-sighs. my pencil case is getting thinner-
and kmy's art pencils and 2 g-tech pens are missing
and sijia lost her history books
this is so kanasai

i do hate alot of ppl now.
there's so many fakers going around
i really don't know what to believe and who to trust
and i do hate those super bossy ppl who thinks they're boss
they think they rule over all the ppl with same positions as them
kanasai
and i do know for a fact many ppl do hate them already
so they had better stop this sucky attitude

there's been loads of problems going on lately
friendship problems
and somehow i get dragged into it
i've already had enuf of those
everything is really really rewinding
i'm really sick of it

yesterday was a fairly unhappy day for some
and for a period of time, me too.
so maybe friday 13th was a bad day afterall
and my pinafore clasp thingy came off
so i was sewing it during bio
and pricked my finger loads of times
and i hate bio now
we're learning about worms and leaches now
i get so scared when everyone flips to the pg of their textbooks where all the worms are
and when mrs tan flashes it on her powerpoint
that i gotta hide behind my textbook everytime i see them
she doesn't give any warning when she shows those wormy slides
everyone went eww
but i was screaming like some mad idiot
i had horrible nightmares on thurs night after i saw the worms


and i haf decided that the stuff i wanted to post is so so so much tht i really can't be bothered to.
last few lines.
i'm so so so so so sorry jess for banging e ball into your head during pe
i am seriously very very very sorry
i do get too excited when i'm playing those sort of games
and kmy, i do not look like a pai kia
or do i?
all my looks seems negative
either i look like i'm depressed or suicidal
or like a pai kia
or like a retarded idiot
-sighs miserably-
i've made full use of my free mon and wed afternoon (3rd lang e-learning) by making lunch appointments =]] monday wif qixuan at pasta mania and wed with mum at wasabi =]]
and i shall try to restrict my blogging to fridays, sats and suns only =X

finally, after 5 days of long wait, friday finally came
i have loads of things to blog about. but i'm really tired so i shall just post what i can think of now and then post e rest tmr.

today's band was quite good.
we didn't excatly do well for drills, but there was definately an improvement. i think last friday's pumping and scoldings really knocked some sense into us. we said our timings much louder today. ho. and we learnt to turn and they made us turn round and round. haha. then we learnt to march which was disastrous. haha. i kept walking digonally and i think many ppl were to. and our lines were horribly un-straight. but ah wells... that was much better than what we did with simin, and i know everyone tried their best =]]

so i guess everything went well except for e fact that hanta-ing was horrible. e squad kept going frigging fast okay. regina ask if i was okay cos she said i looked very stressed and kept asking me to chill... hohum. ppl keep thinking i looked depressed and stressed and suicidal. hoho. and when i was doing my jap hw with much concentration in class kmy said that i looked like i was looking murderous. sighs.

anyway, regina said that i looked like i was going to get heat stroke anytime. hmm... then qixuan told me that i looked very red. hahaha. thanks to endless hanta-ing. and we were in e hot sun and somemore everytime e wind comes my fringe and hair wuld fly all over my face and i would try desperately to blow it off. hohum.

and then at the end of drills we called jessling and tessa back. then everyone shouted, "SORRY M'AM" haha. that was like e loudest thing we've ever said during drills okay. they looked so shocked and bewilded. actually we were apolgizing for our horrible drills and sucky attitude but it was like, we just went sorry m'am and ran away, leaving them with a stack of heart shaped cards which we pre-wrote with apologies. haha. but i guess they can read for themselves x) ha. their expressions were so hilarious.

so there was sectionals =] the 5 of us were cramped up on 1 bench. haha. so cosy and fun =]]] so we learnt scales and spartans. and i found out that i can't play the low low notes like low b flat or c properly. sighs. there was the time andrea and denise were trying desperately to teach me to play f while i kept playing low b flat. and now i can play f perfectly fine and i can't play low b flat. AHHHHH. what is wrong with me man....

then we berato. and there was a super obvious improvement in our timings okay!!! so happy. everyone went loud and low and everything. so so so so so happy okay... =]]]]]] SEE. WE CAN DO IT !!! =]]]]]
and there's a NJC band concert on 22 july. which i want to go with qixuan very very much. but the thing is, i've got piano on dat day =[[[ i'm still considering whether to skip piano for this ornot...

anyway, can't wait for pasta mania on monday!!! sighs. i feel like banging my head for nt finding someone to go watch harry potter with me and book tickets earlier. so sad okay. i guess i just have to wait until the vcd comes out.

i am super tired now so i shall go eat my pathetic dinner and go to sleep
FOC TOMORROW
its going to be a good week ahead

i shall nt blog i shall only blog a little
cos i got alot of things to do
hey, i can't hlp it okay
i got so many things to say
and i get so fustrated trying to rmb what i wanted to post
so i'm recording it down in my handbook
hohum
its getting very messy

band lately has been a killer
ms sia now makes us combine like 1.5hrs with the main band
i thought tuesday was enuf
now thurs too
so anyway the trombones were supposed to set up
olivia called me halfway thru my lunch
so i rushed dere
and we dragged chairs and everything
and went back to the band rm
which was total chaos cos ms sia suddenly announced everyone to combine

so there were alot of yelling and shouting and honking frm last min practicing and 'EXCUSE ME EXCUSE ME" and "SORRY SORRY" and stuff. ok e rm's pretty cramped and everyone was trying to get in and get out and carry stuff like stands and scores and your instru. it takes a long time to manoeuver yourself around in the band rm, esp trying to carry so many things
ok so we finally got into e dance studio, and there came another prob. cos we didn't put chairs for e sec 1s -.-" so we rushed around for chairs and everything. when everyone settled down, tired and sweating. we found out dat e aircon wuldn't work -.-"
so ms sia complained and scolded alot. and we were all stuffed up
and as usual i was sitting nxt to regina.
so we played scales and this funny interval scales thingy and chromatic scales. thank goodness e positions for e chromatic is easy cos it goes in order =] then we played e front part of spartans of tmr, e monday assembly song.

and i tell you this time i was seriously scared... i was trying despretely to sight read and blow. she doesn't even give us time to practice and my sight reading sucks like what. and i was sweating like crazy cos i was really really scared. serious. i didn't know why i was so scared but there's this thing about ms sia that makes you get scared of her. everytime she goes "TROMBONES" i would hear my heart beat frantically. when she asks us to play section by section i can feel the adrenaline rush. i was so freaked out. when she asked us to play again and again i keep screwing up i pratically had to bite my tongue to stop myself frm screaming out loud. i was so frigging scared okay. i can play okay when ms sia's nt dere. but when she's dere i either can't blow or blow rubbish. and sometimes i get so nervous that when i blow no sound comes out at all. and when i look at e notes and try to sight read it goes all fuzzy wuzzy and i can't think properly cos i'm too scared. i was so horrified when i realised that i was blowing pratically rubbish okay. i was so, so scared.

and regina thinks i can sight read well
hohum .... i can't sight read to save my life
and i failed my grade 3 piano. all thanks mostly to sight reading, which if i was nt wrong, 9/30. or smth lidat.
that was e most misunderstood statement about me i've ever heard, including those who said they thought i weighed 50kg+ and ppl who says i look like a soprano singer

when she aircon finally worked i was freezing cos i was so sweaty.

i do like fridays alot now. despite math and bio. and chinese.

1. there is no 3rd lang
2. there is drama enrichment, which is quite fun and hilarious
3. there is PE, which is total shiok now cos all we do is play games and dun even do warm ups or jog.
4. there is drills, which is quite fun
5. there is sectionals, which is okay now becos the seniors are getting friendlier... hmmm.... well at least there's no ms sia

and i've fallen in love with pasta mania !!!! omg !!!! i totally love e baked rice okay
me and qixuan's going to eat on mon afternoon cos i got its e-learning for 3rd lang =]
30% off somemore =]]]
better use e time afterdat to catch up on my filing.... sci is due on wed and english on monday =[ and i haven't filed a single thing.
-sighs miserably-

and well i better go seing that i have alot of things to do
well... nt alot lah. just that its difficult work
i gotta finish up this stupid artwork on air pollution and write a 400 word reflection for CHINESE
whats up with all e news reflections lately...
luckily 星期五周报 didnt have the usual "brown boxed article" which we always need to write our reflections on this wk.

i am so sleepy.
i keep myself alive by looking forward to fridays

i am really feeling tired, though there's little work to do so far cos i'm procastinating like mad so i'll have a terrible weekend.
i guess its more of the emotional side

anyway, i've been enjoying the live earth clips on tv. there was this clip on saving plastic bags which involved a man and a woman acting as customer and salesperson slapping each other and going, "think. blah blah blah blah...." (stuff about plastic bags)
and sad to say i'm guilty for nt wearing green on 070707. cos i didn't even leave e hse. HA.

anyway. band sucked today.
we went to the music rm, only to get chased out by ms sia cos dere were so few of us.
grace, purity, faith and dilligence ppl either went for the swimming thingy or cip.
sad right... and there's so many faith ppl in our squad...
so then we went back to e band rm, ony to get called back again to combine wif e seniors -.-"
okay... so we were quite pissed...
we got our windmills bottles and whatever crapy stuff she told us to take. and we went back to music rm (again).
we started huffing and puffing with our windmills. and there was smth wrong with mine and it wouldn't move. and omg regina's got this really really positively CUTEEEEEEEEEE bumble bee windmill !!!! omg i felt like kissing it. it was soooooooo cuteeeeeee okay.
ok i am a little eccentric.
we blew until we were giddy. then sia told us to take out e bottles and blow 20 times.
mine burst.
and all e seniors were looking at me. cos they haven't seen it before. hahaha.
reminds me of what happened in malay class. hohum

oh did i mention we sat in between e seniors?
so the poor 4 of us were seperated
and we couldn't do the half-half thing we always do x)
so i sat right at e end beside regina
and she taught be how to blow chords.
i was playing the highest note. yes, very sadly
i think e only person in our section (sec 1) who can blow high notes decently is qixuan
and i was so frigging nervous okay. especially she when sia asked just e 4 of us blowing e highest note to blow. i was so so so nervous my hands were sweating like crazy though e rm is air conditioned. and then she gave e start signal and we breathed in and i was so nervous i started choking on my saliva. sad.
i think i messed up e whole thing cos everytime i played e high note it'll go back to the lower one halfway.
sighs
we then left and went back to practice ourselves.
there were only 16+ of us.
so the band rm was more quiet than usual.

and i am damm angry.
the whole of 1 justice is going to support the swim team tmr
and i'll be left behind cos i've got 3rd lang
i think me and may shuen's e only ones cos the rest have got permission frm their 3rd lang teachers to go
rah
the day the poon lets me go the sky will collapse
and the class's dismissed at 12.15 after music
but i'll have to attend HISTORY
walau
lucky mrs soh doesn't wan come teach math
so i can spend the time revising my jap
i am damm scared cos poon said that she'll test us on chapter 9 verbally
which gives us no time to think.sad
i dowan go 3rd lang
i wan go support e swim team wif e rest of e class
i am so pissed
i hate being left out
which is what always happens

and i just found out that jess will be leaving by the end of this yr !!!
she's going to art school
and she really regrets it now
i woundn't have done it if i was her becos i know i would never be able to give it up
i love st nicholas.

and our grp got chosen for xiyouji !!!!!
actually nt really.
the thing is, i duno whether to be happy or sad
getting voted means your skit is good
but it also means you haf to peform it during assembly
and i've had enuf of poetry slam
actually its elspeth and grace's grp
den zhang lao shi added her vote, which was 2x
and zhang lao shi voted for us. i think its only cos our grp is e ony one who's background is nt e classrm.
and it became our grp and grace's grp
grace's grp got 7 votes while we got 4
i think they desearve it much more than we do
clarissa's grp too.
but they wanted to give the chance to us
thats nice
but i'm scared that we can't do it
and with everything going on now...
plus e stage fright and all
we were so nervous before e performance that we kept going, "WHOO HEEE WHOO HEEE" before we went out. and zhang lao shi was giving us that kind or amused/diao look.

i've decided i hate my current seating arrangement

1. its right at e corner and its really hot and stuffy and when i open e door its either to sunny that i'll get scorched or its to windy that the door slams shut everytime i open it
2. other reasons

i really can't take it anymore that i was really like what during english when we were suppose to discuss in pairs
i should have just sat with denise at e 2 ppl place, and let e 3 ppl place to errica, letian and yanlin. than everyone would live happily ever after.

i feel very very suahku and left out. as usual

all e s.h.e and mayday and fahrenheit
last time it was xie ting feng and hu ge
even longer ago was kelly clarkson and high school musical
even much longer ago was maple story and runescape
even even even very much longer ago was tag and ice and water

as usual, i always have a different mind
all i think of now is harry potter and how pretty emma watsons is
but no one gives a damm on what i think
when will this ever end?

.... that's life. take it or leave it ....

i am really scared and tired
everything's going wrong.
i am now so scared of mondays and wednesdays
but i still can't bear to give it up
i am scared of tues, thurs and fris
but i can't give it up, whether i want to ornot
but compared to 3rd lang, band is heaven
i am actually looking forward to band. becos having band means nt having 3rd lang
and i am actually looking forward to drills. becos after drills and sectionals i can go home to sleep
i feel like the happiest woman on earth everytime after friday's band ends

i live each day in fear
i can't stand it anymore
i am just so frigging sick of everything that's going on
it wasn't like that in the past. i wasn't like that
people change. so do i
i've lost myself. everything. my laughter, constant crapping, humour... everything.
i want the old me back
i don't want to live my life in fear anymore
i really don't

the fear surges, adrenaline pumps, blood freezes
that's my life
i live my life in fear
it takes more courage to live than to die ...

ok today was a pretty eventful day

mrs soh was damm funny during math okay.
we were arguing about arrows and = signs
and then she made ppl shake and bang markers again

and english's a little hillarious too
mrs kwan became e stamp and envelope selling person
we were doing this letter writing and sending activity
we had to write a fake 'southeast asian' name on foolscap and our real address
and we mix up e papers and take another person's one
and you're supposed to write a letter addressed to that name
i put my name as 'siddharta gautama'
my family's in for a nasty shock
depends who opens e letterbox first
i'm writing to 'krishna'
ho. i guess most of our names came frm e history tb

anyway, today's xi you ji was rather okay i would say
and zhang lao shi and all the rest of you who thinks i can act, you're all wrong
i was just being super drama cos i was nervous
i nearly died of embarrassment
and i kept saying my lines wrong and adding or improvising new lines
and vanessa made me wear a tie for lydia to flirt with, but in e end lydia forgot
so it looked so extra

and clarissa's grp did really well
it was damm funny
except perhaps they spoke a little soft and kept laughing

and anyway, zhang lao shi made us do this cme thingy about social relations this morning
i think i scored damm badly
it made me wonder
am i that irksome?

and ca4 was a disaster.
i misunderstood a component and studied e whole thing wrongly
i think i am going to fail
again

and i guess i was pretty depressed thruout e day
over some stuff
especially e NE essay writing thing

I CAN'T STAND THE INJUSTICE
LOOK, WHOEVER E IDIOT WAS TOLD US TO WRITE THIS STUPID NE ESSAY WHICH WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SUBMITTED FOR AN NE COMPETITION. IT WAS ONY FOR JUSTICE AND LOYALTY. AND SO MANY PPL TOT IT WASN'T GRADED SO THEY WROTE TOTAL CRAP. I STAYED UP TILL 2AM JUST TO FINISH IT. I WROTE A PAINSTAKINGLY CHOSEN 1200 WORDS. I SPENT E NXT DAY DRIVING MYSELF MAD COLLECTING THOSE STUPID THIGNS COS SO MANY PPL COULDN'T BE BOTHERED TO DO, AND THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO FILL OUT FORMS AND SUBMIT THEIR ESSAYS IN DISKETTES. AND I EITHER GOT CDS OR PRINTED COPIES. AND THEN PPL DUN FILL UP THEIR FORMS PROPERLY AND I HAD TO FILL IT OUT FOR THEM. I SPENT A WHOLE MORNING AND MY WHOLE RECESS GOING AFTER PPL. AND AFTER ALL THE HARD WORK I'VE DONE THEY TELL ME MY ESSAY'S NT GONNA BE SUBMITTED.
ISN'T IT PISSING

you will never understand how english and writing is so impt to me
i value my every written work alot
and you treat it like total rubbish nt worthy for your eyes
is this democracy?

and the worst fact is that, my precious number 11's essay is chosen to be submitted

you know i nearly cried when i heard of it
i've had a bad feeling that this would happen sooner or later
history always repeats
i'm going through the same thing over and over again
so what if there wouldn't be after effects
there's still the tormenting process
say i'm petty, i'm irritating. whatever
you would never understand
cos you've never been through it before
it always happens all round me
what is wrong with this world

its brings back the bad memories
you know i really didn't know what to fill up for the straits times best friend thingy
i was wondering, 6 mths ago claudia's name would had occupied that space
but its different now
i wonder if my name would appear anywhere in your mind anymore

i miss those times.
why did it turn out like that
why does it always turn out like that

i'm scared that i can't hold on any longer
the fact remains there.
you were the one who chose her. nt the other way round
remember back in term 2 someone asked us who our ideal sitting partner was?
was that a true answer?
i don't think so
or was it just a half hearted decission due to my presence?

i am so tired now
no one seems to understand
nt even the mother. or the sister
i guess my life's much more different

i don't like the way things are going
but i can't put a stop to it either.
i really don't know what i should do

everything's going wrong...

Joan Chan
thirteen'
110594
sngs
1 Justice
snsb trombone

nike sling bag
myuk sling bag
new wallet
bigger pencil case

God
family
friends
sngs
1 Justice 07
1 Justice 07 counsellors
snsb, trombones

Min Yu
Wen Xin
Claudia
6A (rvps) 06'
Jessica
Karen
Jolene

high school musical - breaking free
high school musical - start of something new


high school musical - we're all in this together


michael learns to rock - you took my heart away


death cab for cutie - i will follow you into the dark


the fray - how to save a life


nick cave - where the wild roses grow


barry manilow - can't smile without you