I'M FINALLY BACK!!! *GASPS* *PLONK* *CONKED OUT*

15hrs of hibernation.....

rvps camp was like, super tiring for e campers, and even more tiring for e facilitators.

but before i go ranting on abt camp, i shall post some other stuff cos i'm to lazy to elaborate on my 3 day recount of e rvps camp and upload e pics now.

shall do that tmr cos i'm still in a drowsy and slack mood.

i've been having weird mood swings.
and so haf my mum.
i think she's going thru e menopausal and aging stage while im going thru e growing up stage.

i'm begining to hate her and my eldest sis more and more.
i realli dun understand myself sometimes.
and i nv seem to understand her.
why does she love my eldest sis so much, that she's willing to cover up for her wrongdoings, selfishness and all e bad things she does and puts e blame on me instead? i dun understand.

perhaps to them, i will always be e useless fat pig they haf always pictured me to be.

after a long day, or rather, 3 long, tiring and exhausting days out, all i want is to go home.

a home is where you get protection frm e scary world outside.
a home is where nth can hurt you, both physically and emotionally.
a home is where your family brings comfort and warmth to your heart.
a home is where you feel happy and contented.
a home is made up of warmth, love, comfort, care, concern.

a house is part of a building.
a house is has bedrooms, a kitchen, a living rm and a yard.
a house is where euu sleep in.
a house has beds, televisions, chairs, tables etc.
a house is made up of bricks and cement

and i'm sad to say that i haf concluded that i don't haf a home. i only haf a house.

i really wish for a normal family.

where the father works 9-5 on weekdays.
the mother does the housework
the children studies and do homework
the sisters communicate and get along happily
the parents understand and love all children equally
and the father brings the family out on sundays

what so difficult about that?

or is it really nt as simple as we think it is?

it took me a long time to realise this
but the truth has finally sunk in
i'm officially thirteen.
i'm really scared. i'm scared of all the tests, exams, textbooks, notes, constant studying
i'm scared of jap, of failing, of deadlines, of stress. i'm scared of the little time we have.
i'm scared to face the future. i'm scared of myself. i'm scared of my life.
i'm really, really scared.

has life became that complex and complicated that we actually haf to be scared of it?

i chose this path, and i follow it all the way.
yes, it was my choice, but it wasn't an option.
it made me wonder...

would my life be simpler if i was born stupid?

as euu ppl can see, i've been talking alot but nt posting pics recently. dat's cos i culdn't be bothered to unearth my e hp cable frm my heaps of rubbish.
but finally, i did =] yay! =]
so this post shall haf lots of pics =]

band camp was last last friday.
it wasn't excally enjoyable, but i shall commend e sec 3s for their effort cos dey didn't really haf time to prepare cos of syf and jubilate.
THANKEW SEC 3s. I LOVE ALL OF EUU.

there was the nominations for e sec 3s. halfway thru, half e band had disappeared.
only e guai entire sec 1 squad was present =]
but i was so so bored dat i started taking stupid pics of myself =X

when is norms gonna end....
SIAN =X


i know this is DUMB




get a life, woman! say NO to norms!


go ahead. laugh all euu wan. i mus admit its super dumb and hilarious.
i am just plain un-photogenic.

shall give euu an idea wad is norms (nominations) abt.
its to choose sec 3s for posts like sectional leader or squad commander etc.
it consist of:

Interview


Drills

instrument playing

=]

and then there was horror movies at night. and i was frigging slpy.
i think it was ju-on or smth lidat.
SO BORING. NT EVEN SCARY. it really sucked. no storyline de. just ocasionally a ghost will pop out and everyone will scream.
i got so bored i started sleeping in a super hilarious way, messy haired, mouth hanging open, partially covered wif slping bag. i think i looked like a ghost myself.
sandy and friends were frigging amused.
finally decided to go to slp at 2am. woke up at 5am thx so someone's hp alarm dat went: messageeeee.... messageeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.... MESSAGEEEEEEEEEEEE..... MESSAGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...... gettin more and more high pitched with every word.
super irratated.
and e mep rm was freezing. seriously. i was trying to keep warm wif and extra shirt and socks.
cannot tahan man.
haii.
but anyway, i enjoyed camp =] though abit boring cos sec 1s were pretty left out.
and i love my group, captain hectoe barbossa =] which consisted of hai ching, olivia, bernedette, xing yi, cheryl, veronica and chole =] I LOVE EUU PEOPLE
and other band ppl =]

and then there was pop (passing out parade) =[


hmm... shouldn't it be sad?
anw, our new sectional leader is regina, and assistant is esther.
just as well, i think it makes no difference cos their e only sec 3s in my section.

went for sectional dinner at ang mo kio central pizza hut =]
was pretty pissed at 1st cos dey kept leaving e sec 1s out but den e seniors started talking to us and being nice so i was happier at e end =]
i think regina isn't dat cold afterall =]
in fact, she's pretty nice =]=]=]

just a few pics...

me and qi xuan

me and olivia

PRESENTS =]

ermhs... i duno wad is this... its frm denise =]
actually, i'm nt sure if e transparent cone is suppose to be there cos according to andrea its suppose to be a holder for e candle she gave us but it doesn't seem to fit and i duno wads e red thingy dat denise gave and it looked better wif e trans cone so i taped it on nicely =]

candle frm andrea =]


ikea box frm cheng mei, wei ping and joannah =]


note and marker frm si min =]


note and keychain frm ulyssa

hmm... its pretty dark and blur...

random note. i'm super bored

i think i've crapped enuf now.
looking forward to e rvps camp tmr where i'll be helping out as e student facilitator =]
shall post random pics some other day cos according to me, this post is already frigging long.
hahaha.
i simply talk too much =]

there are ALOT ALOT ALOT of things i want to post but i only haf A LITTLE A LITTLE A LITTLE time cos i haf to chiong dnt pw and then memorise ting xie idiom sentences.
so i shall post some stuff, and other stuff on sat cos its e HOLIDAYS =]
though this holiday will be very different frm the past ones. it will be a damm busy holiday. e only thing is that i'll be able to get more slp =]
i'm really sick of HER
i do miss her alot
i feel that since sec sch, i've been spending more time with my friends, classmates, band mates, 3rd lang mates, myself and nt with her.
we're drifting apart.
but when i make the effort to put aside time to spend with her, just me and her alone, she always has different plans.
she'll pull in my sisters, my grandmother, her friends. wdv
how many free days do i haf a wk? ppl whu know me well, pls enlighten her.
on friday afternoons when i get to leave sch at 4.30 which is e earliest i can leave sch and i dun nid to study or do hw or wdv cos dere's e weekends to do it and i really look forward to spending some time with her, she always spoils it.
the moment i get home she'll start nagging and nagging and nagging. so much that it spoils my mood to do smth special with her.
sometimes she really spoils it all for me.
i do miss her alot.
but sometimes i do get really pissed with her. and ppl whu know me well wuld know dat when i'm pissed, i'll get super upset too.
the way she's always biased to my sisters. i really dun wish to elaborate.
the way she nags at me sarcastically even when i'm tired and weary after sch and everything.
the way she's always complaining about me behind my back.
the way she's never satisfied with or appreciates what i do.
everything she does, she just can never seem to understand me and take care of my emotional needs and my feelings.
i think my friends and classmates can do much better than her.
afterall, they seem to spend more time with me than i do with her.
but still, i do miss her.
i do miss my second sis lots too. the silly we had pretending to make our stuff animals talk, and we're still doing now. its hard to believe that we're 13 and 19.
when we stayed up super late during de hols to play tai tee (sry abt spelling) and stress, and watching hk dramas.
when we went down to suntec city and walked round the wishing fountain thing. i wished that we could do this more often.
when we went out to the movies together, or went shopping for my birthday presents =]
when we went down to takashimaya and orchard road together and shared coffee bean's ice blended coffee thingy.
when we went sailing together, sometimes with my father too.
i hardly ever see euu now. sometimes i slp early and wake up at like, 2am to do my work, i dun see euu at all.
and even if i don't slp early, we hardly haf 2 hrs together except when your off days and my free days happen to be on e same day.
i will miss euu even more when euu go to university and stay there.
its hard to believe that 3 yrs ago i was complaining about having to share a rm wif euu.
now i wish dat euu'll stay.
e hse will never be the same without euu.

ahems. i think i'm posting a little too much
better get started on dnt and ting xie now if i wan get sum decent slp.
but its kinda unlikely
nvms, seeing that its e last day of sch tmr.
there'll be POP (passing out parade) tmr, where e sec 4s wuld leave band, and den we'll go for sectional dinner.
i'm half looking forward and half nt looking forward to it for personal reasons that are nt convenient to disclose here.
i'm feeling a little scared abt whu's reading my blog cos it seems like ppl whu i nv expected to read my blog actually visited it.
haha
ok, DNT TIME LARH. WHY AM I SUCH A CHATTERBOX?
haii. i think i seriously talk too much
byebye =X

i know euu all out there are sick of hearing this.
and i'm sick of hearing this myself.
but still, i must say this.
i'm really tired. i really really am.
... God, do me a simple favour .... and take my insignificant, miserable life ....
.... i'm suffering .... and it makes no difference ....
so what's de point?
i'm really tired of everything going on
i really am

i'm sick of it.
i'm sick of ppl taking advantage of me.
i'm sick of ppl doing things that affects me without my knowledge.
i'm sick of ppl who are so biased.
i'm sick of ppl who does wrong but acts innocent.
i'm sick of ppl who doesn't understand me even the most tiny bit.
i'm sick of ppl nt regarding my feelings.
i'm sick of ppl whu dun appreciate me or what i've done
i'm sick of ppl whu dun think before they speak and hurt me.

i'm sick of being fat and ugly
i'm sick of my terrible grades
i'm sick of being lousy at band
i'm sick of being lousy in jap
i'm sick of the rush and tiredness
i'm sick of my low self esteem
i'm sick of my life

i really am...

i am currently on my laptop at blk 129 bukit mera view at my grandfather's funeral, leaching off sum poor neighbour's wireless. too bad that she just didn't lock her wireless to keep out wireless leachers like me.
Its a rather hectic week.
I skipped sch to attend my grandfather's funeral service on tuesday. The coffin came in and they started packing his clothes and so inside it.
The wife started weeping. The children started sniffing. The grandchildren looked on tearfully but pride stopped the tears from flowing.
There was the service at night. Everyone cried their fair bit.
The terrible truth seemed to sink in. He will never be with us again. The good husband, father and grandfather. Ever welcoming us with his usual 'jiak ba buai', coming home with bananas and bread hanging from the end of his unbrella.
I do miss him alot.
Reached home at like, 11+ almost 12. by de time i bathed and everything it was already 12+. rushed my e.lit mini essay thing. i exceeded the word limit by quite alot but i dun really care...
Slept for 4 hrs. but nt as bad as wenxin and sarah whu slept for 2.5 hrs rushing her dnt pw. i didn't even bother to finish it, forseeing that mr tay was gonna extend de deadline. which he did. leaving the hse in de morning, i met my eldest sis whu just came back frm my grandfather's funeral place after playing 7 hrs of majiong with the other cousins while watching over my the place that nth wuld happen. she offered me a ride to sch on her motorbike. i declined the offer politely as i couldn't imagine zooming down the road on a motorbike in a skirt, carrying a huge sch bag and file, and messing my hair with a heavy helmet.
so i went tuu sch and had a hetic morning. the smart alec me decided to take bus 159 and got lost at ang mo kio mrt station. rushed to sch after finding the correct bus stop.
when i reached, it was a rush rush rush. many many many things to do.
didn't study for zuo wen test today. damm. i think i didn't follow the citeria for the ending.
then i skipped 3rd lang, rushed hme with grace and yan lin after finishing our dnt toy construction thingy. i was so tired and slept in de bus and was semi conscious when i said goodbye to grace. i dun think i did to yan lin though. whoops.
reached home. looked thru the whole stack of newsweek and couldn't find any good historical articles. or else i did but they didn't made sense to me.
then i rushed to my grandfather's funeral, which i am at now. Ate carrot cake with second sis at the market dere. yum. i miss market food.
then there was the service at 8pm again. chinese this time. yucks.
and now i am slacking while waiting for mum cos her friends are coming to pay their respects at like, 10pm ?! And they haven't even arrived yet
i got a c.lit test tmr. but luckily the teachers decided that we mug too much that they made it a open book, or rather open paper, test. haha. will photocopy notes from 1J ppl tmr as i can't be bothered to copy and paste the notes frm 10 over c.lit courses in edulearn ( :
and on friday... still quite a long way so i shall save the details to type on saturday as i'm feeling really tired now.
i shall stone while waiting for mum's friends to come.
will have to rush history tmr.
sigh...

my grandfather passed away today at 3pm.
although it was expected, it was still shocking.
sadly, no one called me until my mum told me when she called to tell me to eat dinner out.
i think i'm hardly of significance to anyone, anywhere.
i'm skipping sch tmr and friday.
i thought this week was already going to be bad. its worse now.
even if i'm saying all this in a calm manner, emotions are overwhelming inside.
i do miss him alot.
even if i don't sound like i do.
it takes time for the reality to sink in.
when euu've realised that euu miss him, his significance.
i rmb him as dat strong man who used to carry his unbrella out and come back with it hanging on his shoulder with loads of groceries behind it.
who would rush downstairs with me whenever the ice cream truck rang.
who cared so much for his grandchildren that he tried to stop me from climbing the metal spiral at the playground and getting a bloody jaw in the process.
who would greet us with his usual 'jiak ba buai?' everytime we went to visit him.
that was prob the only hokien phrase that i've rmb so well.
who came up with a silly abc song in hokien which when translated, meant, 'abc, salted vegetables spreaded on bread, no more bread, joan eats shit'
ok, doesn't sound very good in english.
he use to sing his self invented rhyme to me when i was much younger. then laugh at his own cleverness.
and many many many other things.
i do miss him. alot.
i really do miss him.
i'll be attending his funeral on tues and fri, which means i haf to skip sch
and i'm not too pleased abt it
i already haf so many deadlines to meet and everything. and on wed there's dnt and e.lit due. and tmr we're supposed to hand in eng pw, which is with me.
and i haf a history test, ting xie and band camp on friday.
means i gotta skip de earlier part of band camp. i duno abt de many tests.
and i gotta finish my history portfolio by thurs so dat i can pass it to someone to hlp me hand it in.
and i'll miss soooo much for math, sci, geog and history. math is going like a bullet train. fri will be de last chem lab lesson. geog and hist are 1 of my weakest subs cos there's only 2 periods of it per wk.
and i hope ms gwee wun make me replace my art lesson on wed.
i think i shall be bad and pon 3rd lang on wed. i'm really tooo busy
my life's already miserable enuf. and little things keep making it worse.
i shall wake up early tmr to do my dnt and e.lit
then pon 3rd lang on wed to do history portfolio
then pray hard that smth can be done abt my math, geog, hist, sci, chinese and band camp.
i think i will be dead by the end of this wk.
and i really hope i'll die by tmr.
i'm serious.
i'm seriously sick of my life
and i'm really tired. i really really am.

whooshit. of all days i had to come down with a flu/cold (i can't tell de difference) today.
its gonna be a busy week.

due on monday:
- eng board game
- math portfolio (SAIL)
- chem minitask
- jap composition
- sci and e.lit worksheets

due on wednesday:

- dnt portfolio
- e. lit graded assignment

due on friday:
- hist graded assignment
+ ting xie and hist test (graded)

i'm doomed.
ahh chooooo .....
i feel so sick... both physically and mentally
IMH... here i come...

... it just came and go like that ...
when will i ever get that kinda birthday excitement back again?

it has been an eventful, but nt very fun, week.
pretty tired out larhs... slacked alot... rushed alot....
alot things happened this wk... duno where to start...
and quite a number of unhappy problems.
ok, so i ran my 2.4 in 17.13 which is a D.
which means i got a SILVER for napha
it might seem lousy to euu. and many other people.
i'm really disappointed nt with my results, but with them
its really really really a big achievement to me
i didn't even expcet to pass.
can't they just feel happy and proud of me instead of telling me i've got lousy stamina and questioning me abt nt getting a gold?

thurs was a long day... went to plaza to celebrate mother's day at crystal jade.
generous second sis foot de huge bill which was $103+ dollars.
and today, my birthday (:
ok... i dun seem very happy abt it
somehow special occations has lost its meaning to me.
christmas didn't felt like christmas
cny didn't felt like cny.
and de birthday excitement i use to feel weeks before my birthday just wasn't there.
i seem to haf gotten a new life altogether. one too busy that i dun even haf time to do smth special for my friends on their birthdays. nor feel any excitement on my own birthday cos it just seems like any other day.
anw, had quite a number of presents (: this yr =]
got this nice laminated handmade bookmark from clarissa that said JOAN in bubble letters with many words inside, most of which saying, "be happy. stay happy. don't worry"
i think i just haf this depressed look carved onto me.
anyway, thx clarissa for the 心细 euu put into my prezzie (:
and i had this... i duno wad euu call those thingys frm jane. its a stuffed squirrel with a metal stick and clip sticking out of its head for euu to clip notes.
hahas jane, thx alotttttt.
no more of those yellow sticker papers sticking all over my table (:
and also, nt to forget a nice jellybean birthday card frm yan lin.
again... don't worry be happy...
claudia bought me a present. she asked me if i mind it unwraped cos she said it was beyond her ability to wrap it...
but her friend forgot to bring it today. cos she left it at her friend's hse...
she's keeping me in suspense =S
and i think de most interesting present i got was frm de pastor's wife, aunty dorothy. it was a set of pyjamas =X
so cuteeeeee....
i gave de pants to mum cos i dun wear pants to slp...

frm my family members...
dad - forgot my birthday... hurmph >: |
mum - giodano's disney collection donnal duck shirt (:
- watch frm sonare (:
dun ask me what was sonare thinking my selling watches when its a music shop. but the brand was this music note + spirit. weird.
but anyway, i saw the watch like, 2+ yrs ago and had been eyeing it since then.
its finally mine (:
my mum has great memory (:
second sis - wan bring me out sumday to bugis to choose my own prezzie (:
eldest sis - name hp chain (:
it looks different frm de one my second sis gave me last yr (:
she hasn't given me a b-day prezzie for yrs ):
but at least she still rmbs dat i'm borned in de yr of de dog =]

de class sang me a birthday song after sci before recess in de chem lab.
abit pai sae... me and min yu were laughing like xiao over this lame joke (:
and me and jane were taking wacky pics in de sci lab (: whoops... =X

went for the jubilate just now. it was totally fantastic.
no offence but it was so much better den my eldest sis's King Edward hall's peformance. and the price was the same.
mum has been complaining.
say wad y i sec 1 ony mus go support wait until sec 4 den go support.
i think she still doesn't understand how much i love st. nickks.
and nxt yr i'll prob be peforming so i wun haf a chance to sit as an audience to watch the whole thing.
i wonder if sumday i appeared up there on UCC's stage, will my mum be as proud of me as she was of my sis? i suppose nt. maybe she just wun be bothered enuf to go... seeing that i seem to haf no individual talents to showcase up on dat stage.

and i wasted quite alot of money.
i took an mrt to habourfront. den took cab cos i was running late.
then when i came back, according to de online bus guide i was suppose to go to the bus stop after UCC and take 97. but there wasn't such a bus there.
i walked to every bus stop in the vicinity to check.
finally decided to take a cab to habourfront.
$8 + $6 + $15
wow. that was costly.
but it was worth it.
i shall check the bus guide properly before going nxt yr (:
i think sbs forgot to update theirs.

i'm simply too tired to continue. i'm seriously deprived of slp.
but it was worth it skipping a couple hrs of slp just for the jubilate.
i love it so much.
i shall go to slp nw. haf tuu wake up early to rush hw and pw. and i still haf foc tmr.
i got like, alot of projects and portfolios and assignments due nxt wk, seeing that its wk 9 and wk 10 is enichment wk.
i am gonna haf a busy weekend.
i shall put that aside and go to sleep first.
zzzzzzzzzz...................

I'M SUPER ANGRY AND SAD AND INDIGNANT NOW.
how can they suspect me?
that's still understandable
but...
how can she suspect me
how can she nt trust me
how can she think i've gone mad
how can she
how can she
the emotions and tears are overflowing.
there's nth she can do to make up for it
the scar will forever remain
cos the trust was never there

today = rush rush rush
in de morning, wake up late. suppose to wake up at 3am to finish hist hw, which is 14pgs of hist wb. pratically de whole chap. rush rush rush pack bag, bathe, brush teeth blah blah.
came tuu sch. rush rush rush hist wb. rush to assembly. started raining. rush rush rush back to class.
during geog. stare at de notes duno wad ms lim talking abt. i dun really like geog.
during chem. damm lame. and jess and kmy scolded me for insulting ms yee. whooshit. i was jus jk ony larh dun take it seriously.
me and jane were fooling around at de start of chem. pretending to extract our teeth using rusty tongs.
came back to class. rush rush rush. grab board grab paint grab brushes. pissed with angelina and may shuen for nt bringing brushes, nt ony dat but oso for other reasons. rush to dnt rm. rush to paint board. forgot bring silver pen and wooden blocks. rush back to class. classrm locked (#$@!%#^#@*!). ran back to dnt rm.
bell rang. rush back to class. hist wb still nt finished. luckily ms low nv come. mr seth tan took over. he veri lame and noob larh. i was falling asleap at de later part of hist.
mass pe. skipping. rush rush rush. 100 forward. 50 backwards. den haf to do sum pairwork skipping thingy. partnered lih mann. kept getting entangled.
rush back to class. chinese. duno wad de heck zhang lao shi talking.
after dat was ipw. den after sch rush rush rush to dnt rm to resume painting. 'chatted' wif mr tay -.-.
3.30pm. rush rush rush for drills.
even drills seemed a rush. duno wad's wrong wif dem man, march so fast for wad. we ppl at de back were pratically running to keep up.
my whole day passed in a rush.

dat aside, i was really pleased with napha yesterday.
I CULDN'T BELIEVE MY RESULTS. THANK DE LORD.
OMG OMG OMG
i feel so high.
i really can't believe it.
broad jump: 167cm A
sit and reach: 34cm B
inclined pullups: 8 D
sit ups: 25 C
shuttle run: 11.3s A
this might seem lousy to euu but its really gd to me.
i didn't even expect to pass inclined. i culdn't even do 1 when we were practicing. and i ony did 3 last yr.
and shuttle. i ran in 13.2s last yr and prac i did 13.7. oh man...
and i ony did 16 situps last yr.
and my broad jump was 150cm last yr.
but sit and reach was quite a disappointment. i ony got 34cm. culd do 42 last yr.
i think my legs grew longer or smth. suddenly sit and reach drop broad jump went up.
nevertheless, i'm proud of myself.
i haf decided that my new target is a SILVER. not just a bronze (:
actually, i didn't even expect to pass.
mus jia you for 2.4 =]

this is random. but i wanna mention dat sumtimes, its fun looking thru ppl's blogs and photoalbums and friendsters.
i shall update mine sumday. haven't done so for a longgggg time.
i'm quite freaked out by how resourceful people can be.
ppl whom i've nv talked to in my entire life know's dat i'm frm band.
and believe in coincidence?
me, kmy and may shuen were doing eng pw at my hse at de huge open space wif a table outside/beside de function rm.
i happen to spot a couple of ij girls going in, 1 of dem wearing a shirt dat said '3 loyalty'.
believe me, ij girls are very distinctive.
so i thought i dey were frm st. joseph convent.
den kmy spotted her hua hui senior.
de nxt thing i knew, half de hua hui xi ju zhu was plastered against de glass divider waving like crazy.
my gosh. freaky. i've got a st. nickks neighbour sumwhere in compass heights and i dun even know it.
i kinda believe in coincidence now =P

i am embarrassed when i embarress myself.
does that make sense?
and i keep doing it.
-wince-
i feel so embarrassed.

and i suddenly feel that it is extremely necessary to mug in sec sch. alot.
but my average, i would even say, good, memorizing power seemed to haf disappeared.
maybe its bcos now my brain is so occupied with so much stuff. read 'Matilda' by roald dahl?
i need a double sized brain.
its cracking.
but still, its necessary to mug. mug mug mug.


i'm dead beat now. full force on jap tmr ):
shall slp after finishing smth i nid to do for eng pw.
i can never seem to keep to deadlines.
but i'm used to doing last min work.
rush rush rush.
it will be like that until de start of hols.
groans.... life is a torture....
but... jia you joan chan! =]
with faith, without fear =]
can't wait for de hols...

today was an average day
i decided nt to trouble my already troubled mum and scourge for dinner myself.
i hate kopitiams cos its always noisy, stuffy and crowded.
so i went to compass point's basement after 3rd lang for some fast food. no mood for kfc or macs, always hated burger king's burgers.
i went round to delifrance considering a cinnamon roll for dinner.
i went to four leaves and bread talk.
i walk round and round.
finally settled on burger king's chicken cheesesticks and hershey's sundae pie and 100g of cookies frm famous amos.
- wince... i feel disguested with myself everytime i look into the mirror-
de cashier at famous amos was giving me dat kinda LOOK. she think i wad, rich tai tai arh. didn't even bother to gimme a plastic bag, seeing that my hands were full of files. tsk tsk. bad service bad attitude.
and yahhs i know dat's not proper dinner and its rather unhealthy. but c'mon larh... give myself a treat once in awhile. -grins-
i've come to like buses. i ike sitting by the window and staring out, watching the world go by... and reflecting on my own life.
i suddenly realised that i'm pretty sick of my life.
i want a normal life like everyone else.
i want ter be de kinda person who has cca 2 times a wk, no 3rd lang and on free days hang around with their friends, gossip, chat, study...
i'm sick of my hectic life.
everyday is a rush. so rush that my life has lost its true meaning.
recess and lunch has lost its meaning.
holidays and weekends has lost its meaning.
my whole life is in a mess.
i'm losing track of things. i dunno where on earth did all my worksheets went. i've lost track of de number of projects we did. i forgot what hw haf i done and wedged somewhere in my file unmarked. i've forgotten what i've learnt. i'm so confused with all de test dates and project deadlines. my student diary is a total wreck.
recesses are spent rushing hw, shuttle running all over de sch, chionging projects last min.
lunches are spent either doing jap hw or projects or sch hw.
holidays are spent doing projects.
weekends are spent studying.
what have i done to my life?
its gonna be like that for the nxt 6 yrs.
at least now i still get decent slp on fridays.
what abt when i reach sec 4? i think by then i'll haf conked out.
i feel stressed being in 1 justice.
everyone's so hardworking and smart.
during recesses and lunches euu'll find half of 1 justice in de lounge. doing hw, pw or all sorts of things.
i've almost forgotten what it's like to have a normal life.
i miss my pri sch friends alot. and the times that we had.
the way we acted stupid, silly... doing all kinds of wacky stuff. fooling around after sch.
the word 'stress' practically wasn't even in our dictionary.
sec sch and pri sch is so different for me.
but i wonder... why do some sec 1s still be able to haf happy lives while mine is so miserable?
i think its just my prob larh... haiiz
3rd lang... 1 by 1 they quit... yan lin, rachel, rebecca... le tian, jing han, clara, sherlyn....
i feel so lonely
i duno y i'm still clinging doggedly to 3rd lang.
i'm failing all my tests, exams, dictation and stuff.
and my grades for all the other subs are suffering...
i think its jus becos i'm scared that i'll make a grave mistake that culd affect my future.
i've had too many bad experiences.
i've grown up. i've learnt that to every decision there is a concequence.
ppl used to persist in knocking that fact of life, and many others, into me but failed miserably.
i think i've gotta experience the pain and regret before i can understand something.
i've regretted just too much in this 12+ yrs of my life.
i dowan to regret even more.
i really dunno what i shld do...

hellos =] thought i might drop by for awhile -ahems..- before i get started with my hw.
i feel so emo everytime after i read grace ho's blog.
though she doesn't seem so, she's a real emo person.
her blogs influences me alot.
her many posts on sports day made me wanna cry larhs. and sum were pretty funny.

i feel so dumb. thx to certain people.
i think i'll never haf a peaceful day in st. nickks for de rest of my life.
i keep running away frm ppl i dowan to see.
its tiring and frustrating.
its getting on my nerves.

and i feel so frigging irratated and pissed.
those teachers... think we so free arh.
and damm the many project works we haf.
ipw, dnt, eng... blah blah blah
i hate irresponsible people
damm pissed.
unbearable


i'm off to do my damm load of hw man...
i haven't copied hw for quite a long time
i suppose that's an achievement.
being wif all de guai kias for like... 4 mths...
i think i've changed considerably
i suppose...
homework homework homework
projects projects projects
tests tests tests
assignments assignments assignments
the bane of a student's life....

Joan Chan
thirteen'
110594
sngs
1 Justice
snsb trombone

nike sling bag
myuk sling bag
new wallet
bigger pencil case

God
family
friends
sngs
1 Justice 07
1 Justice 07 counsellors
snsb, trombones

Min Yu
Wen Xin
Claudia
6A (rvps) 06'
Jessica
Karen
Jolene

high school musical - breaking free
high school musical - start of something new


high school musical - we're all in this together


michael learns to rock - you took my heart away


death cab for cutie - i will follow you into the dark


the fray - how to save a life


nick cave - where the wild roses grow


barry manilow - can't smile without you