.Saturday, September 01, 2007 ' 5:00 PM Y
you used to be the reason, for my smile.
i went for the trip to botanic gardens (:
it was quite good really
the scavenger hunt was really amusing
"2 pairs of
white socks, 1 pair size 3 shoes, 1 pair size 9 shoes, 2 hairclips (cheers to me), 2 umbrellas, 50 leaves, medicated oil
axe brand, 3 bunches of keys...." and all sorts of funny things
the most hilarious one?
"2 cockroaches, 2 grasshoppers,
DEAD OR ALIVE"
and no, we didn't manage to find that one :D
and ok, here goes one of my rantings abt a certain person
who do you think you are huh? kmy's right, you don't even deserve to be a Singaporean and you're a serious threat to society. i'm really scared of you and what else underhand things you can do. you know i actually had a nightmare about you last night breaking up the friendship between me and kmy, and kimberly and sherbelle? i've had enough. you go around breaking up pairs of friendship and when they get sick of you, you just flounce off happily and find another pair to attack. you don't realise it but thats nt the way to be popular, ppl just look at you as a b***h and a v***n (sorry for being a little vuglar i'm really pissed now). seriously don't you ever feel guilty and remorseful about whatever you've done, and still doing? i realise that you're not that innocent, naive, child like person i pictured you as. please stop trying to break up anymore people. ruining friendships and spoiling ppl's lives. the thing is that if you're in a mixed school, and you do that to couples i won't be shocked and disguested but now you are doing to GIRLS and breaking up their FRIENDSHIP. i don't know what you will do to ppl who have boyfriends and husbands in later life. please, stop sucking up to people and thinking that you're the most popular person in the entire earth. and please grow up, instead of just trying to ACT GROWN UP but in actual fact is such a childish person. you seriously have the mind of a 10 yr old or perhaps even younger. the thing is that, i've met many ppl like you and i know vaugely what you're thinking. except that you are really horrible and despicable and the ppl i know have never been like that. and please, STOP BREAKING UP PAIRS OF FRIENDSHIP. ITS SUCH A DESPICABLE THING TO DO. so what if you manage it, and end up getting a new best friend? don't you feel remorsful abt what you've done to the other person? and that new person won't be truly your friend. i don't think you even care abt having true friends and just like to friendship-hop around and be popular. it will never end up anywhere. in the end you'll just find that by doing this, you're just losing your old friends, and nt managing to find new ones. please stop all this nonsense, i'm really sick of you. the thing abt me is that i hate and get angry very easily but once that person stop doing that particular thing i'll stop hating. like the way i get along with angelina now after our whole eng pw matter is over. BUT YOU ARE NOT STOPPING YOUR NONSENSE. when someone is pissed with you, or irritated with you, you should try to mend the friendship instead of just SWITCHING TO ATTACK ANOTHER PERSON OR ANOTHER PAIR. if you keep doing that in the end you'll find out that you have no one to attack anymore and just END UP BEING LONESOME. all that stuff abt nt trying to be popular, kmy accepted your explanation the 1st time but i didn't. why? becos i know what you was thinking. and just trying to fake for sympathy. AND HOW DARE YOU START SPREADING THAT I WAS JUST BLOGGING THOSE POSTS FOR THE SAKE OF ASKING FOR SYMPATHY. PLEASE LOR, I AM NT A FAKER LIKE YOU. and i was right. when kmy got angry with me and started going out with you, instead of trying to help us make up you started telling kmy how i am irritating and backstabbing me. you know how painful it is to have a person backstab you like that, especially when that person was once a good friend of yours? you know how painful it is to me emotionally at that period of time? I'M ASKING YOU, DO YOU KNOW HOW PAINFUL IT IS? DO YOU KNOW THE HURT YOU'VE CAUSED ME TO SUFFER? DO YOU KNOW HOW YOU'VE HURT BOTH ME AND KMY SO MUCH? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN YOU'VE BROUGHT TO BOTH OF US AND HOW MUCH YOU'VE MADE US TEAR? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH EMOTIONAL DISTRESS YOU'VE CAUSED? WHAT ABOUT KIMBERLY? DO YOU KNOW HOW NAIVE SHE IS AND NOW YOU'RE BACKSTABBING HER LIKE HOW YOU BACKSTABBED ME? DO YOU KNOW HOW SHE FEELS? HOW DID YOU FEEL WHEN MIN AND LI LIN PAIRED UP AND LEFT YOU? DID YOU FEEL HURT? DO YOU KNOW HOW ME, KMY, KIMBERLY AND SO MANY OTHER PPL FEEL? DO YOU KNOW HOW SARAH, VANESSA AND NIENPING FEEL ABT THIS WHOLE THING, THOUGH YOU WERE UNABLE TO BREAK THEM APART? WILL YOU JUST STOP YOUR NONSENSE WITH BACKSTABBING PPL AND HURTING SO MANY OTHERS?
and do you know how i felt when i read the msg you sent to kmy the 1st time we were angry with you?
do you know how much you've made me and kmy cry?
when will you ever understand how much hurt you've caused?
AND WILL YOU STOP HARPING ON YOUR STUPID MATH SCENERIO AND MY HIST TEST? I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE YOU. YOU WERE GIVEN AN EXTENSION FOR YOUR MATH SCENERIO. BUT I WASN'T GIVEN AN EXTENSION FOR MY E.LIT
AND HISTORY GRADED ASSIGNMENT. DID I COMPLAIN?
NO. AND YOU ARE NOT HAPPY JUST BECOS I DIDN'T TAKE MY HIST TEST. WHY DON'T YOU GO HATE OTHERS INSTEAD OF ME? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, GO TO MS LAW AND DEMAND FOR HER TO GIVE ME A ZERO? WHAT ABT OTHERS? DENISE, LETIAN? THEY DIDN'T TAKE HIST TEST TOO, YET YOU ARE NOT HATING THEM. DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?
AND THRU THAT PERIOD OF TIME, YOU KEPT RANTING TO KMY HOW YOU HATED ME AND THE WAY I BLOGGED. YOU KEPT TELLING HER THAT I WAS BEGGING FOR SYMPATHY. CAN YOU OPEN YOUR EYES AND EARS TO LOOK AND HEAR HOW MANY PPL ACTUALLY READ MY POSTS? WHATEVER I BLOG IS THE TRUTH, TRUTH AND THE TRUTH. IT CALLED AN INTERNET
DIARY FOR GOODNESS SAKE. WHY WOULD I LIE IN A
DIARY? IF YOU ARE NT HAPPY WITH MY BLOGGING, THEN JUST GET LOST AND SCRAM OUT OF MY BLOG. NO ONE IS FORCING YOU TO READ IT.
WILL YOU JUST STOP ALL YOUR NONSENSE?
no matter how much i tell kmy that we should make up with her and stop hating, i can't stop hating myself
i can't stop hating the person who backstabbed me and caused me so much hurt
even through the countless times i prayed, i can't stop hating you
the wound you've caused in me is too deep
i give up trying to make up with you. cos you're showing obvious signs of nt wanting to, and i'm nt stupid to let you try break us up again. i only thought we could remain as friends. but obviously you don't want to and i'm just scared the whole cycle will start all over.
the hurt and hatred will never fade.
you can hate me for all i care. i know you hate me becos ever since kmy and you sat together, you became closer except for me who was in the middle. then when kmy was angry with me, you would grab the chance and start brainwashing ppl abt how horrible i am. then when me and kmy got back together, we still treated you as our good friend but obviously you're nt contented, unahppy and pissed. i know what you think. you think now i'm trying to sow discord between you and others. but whatever i say is the truth, and its frm my heart. unlike you, i'm nt a faker. you think it was me who caused you plight but i assure you its not. i am nt the wicked one, you are. you caused yourself to be in the state you are in. ever so happy and nt caring abt the ppl you've hurt. i assure you one day retribution wuld come. you won't have a happy ending, i'm certain of it.
from now on, no more tears. i and perhaps kmy are never going to tear over this whole stupid issue again. we wuld never let you cause us any hurt anymore. like zhang man li says, 忍. when someone tries to hurt you, you should never let yourself be hurt because this way, you will stand to gain nothing except making the person who hurt you happy. no more tears, no more pain.i decided to strike out the whole of the above paragraph because i know that would never be possible. being particularly sensitive people, both of us will perhaps never forget abt this whole thing. the pain and hatred will remain, perhaps lessen over time but it will always be there. we will never forget the hurt you've caused.
i just hope that you'll stop inflicting anymore pain on other people
haven't you caused enough harm?
when will you ever stop your nonsense?
i'm seriously apologetic for being so emo
i hope that is nt considered cyber bulling
i don't think so. its more like she's emotionally bulling me
and ohmygosh, i just realised that my rantings abt that certain person had hit 1514 words, by using microsoft words' wordcount.
shiying's right. 1 day i can just extract my posts frm my blog and compile 'A Diary of Joan Chan" and start publishing and selling it
but i don't think anyone wuld be interested
i shall stop crapping now
byebye :D
