.Tuesday, September 18, 2007 ' 7:55 PM Y
you used to be the reason, for my smile.
i am happy, yet unhappy today
i'm really confused. every second of my life i feel history replaying itself. i feel that i'm becoming more and more unlike myself anymore. i rather nt voice out my opinions though they are really bugging me and making me unhappy cos of fear of offending people. i'm really conked up inside with all the mixed emotions i can't show. i'm forced to hang around with people i don't like and forced to smile and laugh like nothings wrong when i'm really unhappy inside. i haven't forgotten how we, you more than me, used to hate her so much. i'm really really confused with the complexity of human minds. i feel compelled to do things i don't want to do. i'm no longer myself, or perhaps i was never.
i remembered this phrase, "do you realise that the people that you're closest too are the people you treat the worst?"
i don't think its true for me
but perhaps, its true to me from others
i'm really, really unhappy inside
yet this is too precious to me to let my unhappiness ruin everything
i'm nt like That Person who can just strut away and pretend we've never known and go our own ways and make new friends and try to be popular and blah blah blah
i can just sit here and watch God work in pretence and silence
is this just life?
and do you realised although sometimes you are actually joking with a person, that person actually gets very hurt when you carry the joke too far?
and every word you say to someone who thinks you are very important to her matters alot and actually stays there in her heart for a long long time?
and your insults, even if they are meant to be a joke, can actually destroy's a person's sense of self worth?
words hurt, words flirt, words kill
and i ought to have more self discipline. i should really study much much harder. although today was free day i still reached home at 7.30 cos i left at 5pm frm e band rm. and i went to amk hub to shop with qixuan and have my dinner. so i never did get to go to chinatown. i must study much much harder.
i should be studying
thanks tessa, once again
