... those were the days

.Wednesday, August 15, 2007 ' 8:30 PM Y

you used to be the reason, for my smile.

LISTEN CAREFULLY YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE
I DID NOT START THE FIRE ON THE STRIP HEATER IN THE DNT ROOM
AND DID NOT IN ANY WAY CAUSE THE FIRE TO START EXCEPT TO SWITCH ON THE STUPID HEATER
BELIEVE IT OR NOT
NOW I'M SAYING THIS FOR YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE TO GET YOUR FACTS RIGHT
BUT IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, AND JUST THINK I'M BLUFFING, SO BE IT
I DON'T HAVE SO MUCH TIME TO TRY TO EXPLAIN TO EVERYONE TEDOIUSLY THAT I DID NOT CAUSE THE FIRE IN THE DNT ROOM
I REPEAT, I DID NOT START THE FIRE IN THE DNT ROOM

i got so pissed
i seriously hate false accusations. and i hate mr tay and mr ng who actually suspected me and didn't trust me.
today was chao stressed. don't ask me why
i just felt that way
i was really really just stressed by thinking abt what i had to do over the weekends and what was due on monday.
so its 'forget abt going to seletar' on sat
just when the dad is back too
looking at my diary just gives me this horrible wretching feeling in my stomach
and i'll get all scared and screwed up and just want to cry and run away

actually i'm quite looking forward to band. or at least, band without ms sia. and maybe without the seniors around too -- i feel mean saying this. nt that i hate my seniors or anything but ms sia is always fiercer when the they're around :[ and when we combine with them we've gotta play those chao difficult stuff and ms sia's expectations are like so much higher. and to the senior that tagged, whoever you are, no offence lah :[ and yes, ms sia was nice last tine dring sec 1 combined. but i guess, sadly, that was the past :[
i love those 4 wonderful people, qixuan, olivia, diana and shiying
i always feel happy around them
they make me feel impt
nt like ppl who treat me like shit and take me as their walking stationery shop
i get quite pissed when ppl go like, "JOAN! SCOTCH TAPE!" or "JOAN. I NEED SCISSORS" or whatever. not that i mind lending but will you please show some gratitude, and have some responsibility to return it after taking and everything?
back to it. yeah.
i mean, those 4 wonderful ppl understand and comforts when ms sia scolds and insults. those 4 wonderful ppl are always willing to listen to all my problems and sympathize with me. those 4 wonderful ppl are always there for me whenever i need them and helping me all the time
i simply love those 4 wonderful ppl. they make my life in band happier :]

got back a couple of tests today. i'm chao surprised over e.lit. i wrote total rubbish cos i was rushing and i actually scored like, 9/10? and the last part was all total crap i just threw in whatever i could think of. and jess went like, 'joan did very well' and i was like, 'i did?' i thought i was actually going to fail. and i was also surprised over credit for unsw science which i totally didn't study for and it included bio, which we haven't learnt at that time and my sci totally sucks. and i'm just grateful i passed bio test, and i got full marks for history source based!!! well... most of the class did so i guess it wasn't much of a big deal. made everyone plesantly surprised and much happier.

this part of the post is delicated to someone who i hope is reading this. perhaps she isn't anymore, but i still want to post. and i really hope she does read it.

i'm really sorry for whatever i did last wednesday to make you so pissed with me we haven't talked for a whole week except for pws. perhaps you're just sick of my sucky attitude or gloomy mood, terrible lack of enthusisiam and horrible mood swings. i really don't know. you just seem really sick of me and i suppose you are. i just wanted you to know your significance in my life. ever since last wed, i've been having recess and lunch in loneliness. going to 3rd lang all alone. sitting thru lessons quietly and silently. acting dumb and mute. toning down so much and reducing that little wacky and crazy part of me to nothingness. and so much more that i couldn't really type it all out.
i just wanted to say, we barely exchange more the 10 words a day now. perhaps even none. we sat thru gutair lesson without passing a word to each other except maybe my sorries for kept knocking you. i really miss you deep down inside. i really really do. you're the one that adds life to me in sch. ever since wed, i've been feeling like some kind of walking zombie all thruout e day.
i really miss all the crazy times we had laughing like maniacs together or talking and talking non stop or discussing abt some thing or so. and everything else. i really miss you. i really do.
i might even have to say, i think you've made a greater impact than claudia on me.
i just can't let go.
please stop being angry with me...
i am really sorry
and i seriously miss you. very very much.

back to today
the survey really pissed me off
i tot since they wanted ppl frm special... it must be some kinda survey abt stress and blah
all i got was: do you have sex? do you drink alcohol? do you smoke? do you get into gangfights? do you commit illegal acts? and all other kinda weird questions.
i got really fed up with filling up 'no no no no no no no no'
72 questions. plus they have part 'a, b, c, d, e, f' and blah on certain questions.
i took 45 mins to finish
shading 'no no no no no'
and all other rubbish questions

today i felt horrible
monday: cme project due
jap file check due
jap CA5
many other stuff which i can't really rmb
but i guess the CA5 and file check is enuf to murder me

i really felt funny today
really suicidal
me and denise were joking
i would never survive till sec 4
and when we went up to the sec 4 lvl (the highest yellow one), we were looking over the railings by the bench and woah they were like chao low lah? when i stood in front of it it was like, at my stomach? and we were scared that we would drop down or smth. and scared that when we put our bags at the bench they'll fall down thru e gaps in the railings cos they were kinda big. and when euu look down its very scary. and we were joking that by the time i reached that yellow lvl i wuld prob have thrown myself off the railings cos they were so low and i was kinda tall so i could easily jump over it. oh hahaha. i might just do that.

poon made things worst today by talking abt jap file check and exams over and over
but i don't know why 3rd lang seemed okay today
i wasn't that sleepy. i understood. i passed my 2 tests.
thanks joanne for helping me with ca5 :]

my parents seriously don't understand my life and the sch's curriculum
lets face it, when have they ever did?
i shall elaborate another day. i am seriously tired enough i am prepared to drop down and sleep for 50 yrs like garfield

i should really be getting on my history pw
thanks lydia and minyu for cordinating everything and lydia for collating
i am feeling quite redundant, unresponsive, and irresponsible
thanks for making it better and much easier for me

i'm really tired