.Monday, August 13, 2007 ' 8:45 PM Y
you used to be the reason, for my smile.
its proven that an average woman talks about 7000 words per day
i think i barly hit 700 words today
which is quite an eye-opener, seeing that me, being a very chatty woman, can talk more than 10000 words in a mere hr of ranting
thats why i'm here, even though i've got a impossible to do math portfolio due and a history test tmr.
i need to talk. badly.
i was very, very loney today
i was quiet all through lessons
bursting to talk and rant and scream but nt being able to
recess was spent sitting alone at the bench by the sec 1 corridor cos zhang man li gave the order to empty and lock up the classrooms during recess
lunch wasn't even lunch. i loitered around, nt being able to sit at my usual lonesome spot in the lounge cos it was barricaded off for e pri 1 balloting. i sat at the lower concourse (is that what euu call it?) finishing up my jap homework. i left for moelc chao early and sat there to rot.
i felt like i'm mute, invisible, deaf and blind, totally like a walking zombie, the entire day.
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT WE'RE SUCKY?
HAVE YOU REALISED THAT ALMOST ALL OF US ARE EITHER SCARED OF EUU OR DISLIKE YOU ALOT?
PERHAPS IT HAD NEVER OCCURED TO EUU THAT YOU SPEND HALF YOUR FRIGGING LIFE THINKING THAT PPL ARE SUCKY THAT YOU HAVE NEVER REALISED THAT PEOPLE THINK THE SAME OF EUU?
ARE YOU SO COLD THAT YOU HAVE TOTALLY NO HEART TO THINK ABOUT THE HURT YOU INFLICT ON US BY SAYING THAT SIMPLE PHRASE 'THEY'RE SUCKY'
WE'VE NEVER SAID BEFORE THAT YOU'RE SUCKY
WE'VE NEVER MADE IT PUBLICISED THAT WE HATE YOU
IN FACT, WE DON'T EVEN HATE YOU. WE JUST HATE YOUR ATTITUDE
DO YOU THINK THAT IF WE HATED YOU, WE WOULD BOTHER GETITNG YOU BIRTHDAY PRESENTS OR BY JUST MINDING ABOUT YOU AND WHAT YOU DO SO MUCH
IF WE HATED YOU WE WOULDN'T EVEN BE GIVING A DAMM ABT YOU SAYING THAT WE'RE SUCKY
BUT WE DO. AND WE'RE HURT. AND DISAPPOINTED. AND UPSET.
PERHAPS YOU SHOULD JUST USE YOUR BRAINS AND THINK ABOUT IT. THERE YOU ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW SUCKY WE ARE WHEN WE'RE TRYING TO MAKE THINGS BETTER AND YOU RESPOND INDIFFERENTLY. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?
AND PERHAPS THAT IN YOUR PERSPECTIVE, EVERYTHING WOULD BE BETTER IF WE DISAPPEARED. BUT YOU'RE WRONG. ITS OUR LIVES THAT WOULD BE BETTER IF YOU DISAPPEARED.
I'VE CHANGED MY MIND. I THOUGHT YOU WE'RE GETTING NICER. I HATE YOU NOW. I HATE YOUR ATTITIDE. AND I KNOW THAT I AM NEVER GOING TO FORGET THAT YOU SAID THAT WE'RE SUCKY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. YOU CAN NEVER CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOU SAID IT, AND EVEN IF YOU TRIED TO MAKE IT UP TO US SOME DONKEY YEARS LATER, IT WON'T DO ANY GOOD COS I HATE YOU I HATE YOU AND AM GOING TO HATE YOU AND NEVER TALK TO YOU UNLESS WHEN ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
i am sad and angry cos i lost $5 and 1 brand new PE shirt.
not to mention the rest of e money i lost, and all those stationery
kanasai
25 sept -- jap end of year
oral exam
26 sept -- jap end of year written exam
to hell be with me
i'll be so humilated lah
i'm so scared they'll expel me if i fail my year end
i mean, its all proper and everything, like seating arrangements, even have to go moelc to take it on a certain date and whatever
i am feeling... uncertain
i can't really explain how i'm feeling
i'm feeling murderous, yet suicidal
why must life throw us so many unexpected problems?
i just wish that God would somehow take absolute control over my whole life
i shall just scram and do those absurd truckloads of work
