.Wednesday, May 02, 2007 ' 5:00 AM Y
you used to be the reason, for my smile.
today was an average day
my average's not really average. cos every day to me is a bad day.
reveived an sms during 3rd lang. "mummy going to visit gong gong at changi hospital today. call me if euu want me to buy dinner"
i decided nt to trouble my already troubled mum and scourge for dinner myself.
i hate kopitiams cos its always noisy, stuffy and crowded.
so i went to compass point's basement after 3rd lang for some fast food. no mood for kfc or macs, always hated burger king's burgers.
i went round to delifrance considering a cinnamon roll for dinner.
i went to four leaves and bread talk.
i walk round and round.
finally settled on burger king's chicken cheesesticks and hershey's sundae pie and 100g of cookies frm famous amos.
- wince... i feel disguested with myself everytime i look into the mirror-
de cashier at famous amos was giving me
dat kinda LOOK. she think i wad, rich tai tai arh. didn't even bother to gimme a plastic bag, seeing that my hands were full of files. tsk tsk. bad service bad attitude.
and yahhs i know dat's not proper dinner and its rather unhealthy. but c'mon larh... give myself a treat once in awhile. -grins-
i've come to like buses. i ike sitting by the window and staring out, watching the world go by... and reflecting on my own life.
i suddenly realised that i'm pretty sick of my life.
i want a normal life like everyone else.
i want ter be de kinda person who has cca 2 times a wk, no 3rd lang and on free days hang around with their friends, gossip, chat, study...
i'm sick of my hectic life.
everyday is a rush. so rush that my life has lost its true meaning.
recess and lunch has lost its meaning.
holidays and weekends has lost its meaning.
my whole life is in a mess.
i'm losing track of things. i dunno where on earth did all my worksheets went. i've lost track of de number of projects we did. i forgot what hw haf i done and wedged somewhere in my file unmarked. i've forgotten what i've learnt. i'm so confused with all de test dates and project deadlines. my student diary is a total wreck.
recesses are spent rushing hw, shuttle running all over de sch, chionging projects last min.
lunches are spent either doing jap hw or projects or sch hw.
holidays are spent doing projects.
weekends are spent studying.
what have i done to my life?
its gonna be like that for the nxt 6 yrs.
at least now i still get decent slp on fridays.
what abt when i reach sec 4? i think by then i'll haf conked out.
i feel stressed being in 1 justice.
everyone's so hardworking and smart.
during recesses and lunches euu'll find half of 1 justice in de lounge. doing hw, pw or all sorts of things.
i've almost forgotten what it's like to have a normal life.
i miss my pri sch friends alot. and the times that we had.
the way we acted stupid, silly... doing all kinds of wacky stuff. fooling around after sch.
the word 'stress' practically wasn't even in our dictionary.
sec sch and pri sch is so different for me.
but i wonder... why do some sec 1s still be able to haf happy lives while mine is so miserable?
i think its just my prob larh... haiiz
3rd lang... 1 by 1 they quit... yan lin, rachel, rebecca... le tian, jing han, clara, sherlyn....
i feel so lonely
i duno y i'm still clinging doggedly to 3rd lang.
i'm failing all my tests, exams, dictation and stuff.
and my grades for all the other subs are suffering...
i think its jus becos i'm scared that i'll make a grave mistake that culd affect my future.
i've had too many bad experiences.
i've grown up. i've learnt that to every decision there is a concequence.
ppl used to persist in knocking that fact of life, and many others, into me but failed miserably.
i think i've gotta experience the pain and regret before i can understand something.
i've regretted just too much in this 12+ yrs of my life.
i dowan to regret even more.
i really dunno what i shld do...
