.Thursday, March 22, 2007 ' 3:51 AM Y
you used to be the reason, for my smile.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS ANGRY AND UPSET IN MY TWELVE YRS OF MY LIFE BEFORE.
I AM REALLY REALLY MAD. AND UPSET. AND BOILING.
if euu haven't gt de grasp of de situation yet, pls refer to my last post and wen xin's blog.
tears, sadness, anger, fear, despair ... emotions are overwhelming me today. today is a really bad day. and the nxt few days are gonna get worse.
wenxin, that was so nt considered training i'm 100% sure if euu told de hockey ppl euu had poetry slam they'll let euu off. but euu didn't wan to.
and this is nt juicy info. its facts. and nt all de top part was directed tuu euu.
and i was afraid that if i didn't hang up, all the vugarities wuld spill out.
and dun euu think sumtimes euu are a little bossy? and euu nv spread rumours abt ppl? euu've said so many things abt me that i've loss count.
the one i'm most angry abt was when i told euu i liked estee's hair. then when i layered my hair thin euu spreaded that i wanted tuu cut my hair cos i wanted to look like estee.
then when li lin told me that estee cut her hair i wanted to see how she looked like then euu started spreading that i wanted to cut de same hairstyle as estee.
and nt as if i'm in lurve with estee or whatever okay? yes, i miss her but i miss all de other counsellors too. and stop spreading anymore rumours abt me. if its just a little joke dun mind but its getting serious. especially when euu do it behind my back.
and dun euu think eur very insensitive to my feelings? sumtimes when i'm really feeling upset i tell euu, "wenxin... i today got jap ca1... i die liao..." or smth lidat euu jus tell me, "what has that gotta do with me?" very rudely. or smth lidat. and jus becos i got higher den euu in english euu started kicking me. does that mean that for every sub dat min yu got higher den me in i shld start giving her 5 hard knocks on her head? stop eur nonsense will euu?
this is getting unbearable.
AND PUH LEASE. YES I KNOW I DIDN'T CONTRIBUTE IN PW. BUT THATS COS EUU DIDN'T GIMME ANYTHING TO DO. AND FOR GOD'S SAKE WHU MEMORIZES THE ENTIRE SCRIPT WHEN DOING A PRESENTATION?! I AM GETTING SO PISSED. AND YES I KNOW I WAS LOOKING VERY DEPRESSED DURING PW BUT DUN EUU THINK EUU HAD A PART TO PLAY IN IT? I WASN'T LIDAT WHEN I WAS IN PRIMARY SCHOOL. AND DON'T EUU UNDERSTAND THAT I WAS SO WORRIED ABT POETRY SLAM?! AND EVERYTHING ELSE I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FROM JAP TO PROJECTS TO TESTS?!
AND EVEN IF I GAVE EUU A CHANCE TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO DURING SLAM REHERSALS YESTERDAY, WHAT BRILLIANT IDEA COULD EUU COME UP WITH?! DO EUU THINK ME, MIN YU AND MAY SHUEN COULD STAGGER THRU DE ACTIONS OF 5 CHARACTERS?! AND WHEN MR RAY HAD TO TIME US AND TELL US WAD TO DO AND EVERYTHING?! PLS, UNDERSTAND OUR DIFFICULTS. AND THINK. WHAT WOULD EUU DO AND FEEL IF ME AND MIN YU CHUCKED EUU, DAPHNE AND MAY SHUEN ALONE TO GO FOR SLAM REHERSALS? WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN THIS TOGETHER. BUT WE'RE NOT.
i am getting so emo. my sincere apologies.
i wanted to delete my previous post. but after reading what wen xin posted on her blog, i couldn't help it. i really cannot 忍 anymore. i feel that day by day, i'm being made used of, taken advantage of, and upsetting myself in the process of pleasing others. is this self respect? no.
i'm cracking. and eu're nt hlping. is this what euu call true friendship?
i feel like such a failure in life. where are my true friends? why does claudia manages to respect herself and stand up for her rights while still being so popular while i'm suffering and still nt having any true friends by my side?
when i'm miserable, whu wuld be there for me? when i'm in trouble, whu wuld hlp me? when i'm upset, whu euld comfort me and lend me a shoulder to cry on? when i'm going too slow, whu wuld be there to encourage me, cheer me on, giving me moral support all the way?
no one. nt a single soul.
why am i such a failure in life?
have i nt treated whu i look to as my best friends well? i've helped euu all when euu needed my help. i've did my best, in all that i can do for euu. i dun expect reciprocation. but instead, euu forget everything i've done. euu ignore me, backstab me, gossip abt me... is that respect?
i've had enough.
i've always respected euu all until now. i've never said anything abt euu in front of eur face. i've never backstabed euu, betrayed euu, left euu alone when euu needed help. but what good does it do to me? i'm just making myself more miserable.
looking back at my life, i realised that i've never had a true friend. besides christ.
a friend whu knows me thru and thru. whu helps me, encourages me, respects me and dosen't take me for granted. a friend which i know wuld always be there for me no matter what happens. that is what i call true friendship.
i'm such a failure in life.
and i'm really tired.
i really am.
What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear.
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer.
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.
Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer.
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.
