.Wednesday, March 21, 2007 ' 9:30 PM Y
you used to be the reason, for my smile.
every morning, i'll tell myself. today's a new day. i mus be cheerful. i mus be positive. i mus be happy. *grins and leaps off bed and into the shower*
but that attitude never lasts.
i duno if it's my prob or others. or maybe its both. people just can't seem to get off my back and dun 惹 me for a mere few hrs.
yesh i admit i'm hot tempered. but i try to 忍. but sometimes, those people seem to take me and my slience for granted. even when i hint that i'm really pissed and can they please get off my back they'll still come and 惹 me. 自讨苦次 自找麻烦. tsks.
euu ask anyone whu know's me frm my pri sch. everytime sumone makes me angry i'll flare up and start yelling at them like a madwoman. seriously. but now i'm scared to offend ppl. and i 忍. and i'll secretly confide my feelings to another person. so as to not hurt the person whu 惹 me.
but i 忍忍忍 until i can't 忍 anymore. i'm seriously getting pissed. those ppl haf never cared abt what i think just becos i never expressed my anger towards them. they seem to take me and whatever i do for them for granted. and even haf the cheek to scold me for nt doing better. i'll give euu a scenario.
person x dumps the entire project to me. i go home and had a sleepless night finishing it. the nxt day, person x storms at me and demanded why didn't i print out the project in colour ink and why didn't i put this and that point in and why de font so small.
BUG OFF MISS PERFECTIONIST !!!! DON'T EUU DARE HAF THE CHEEK TO BOSS PEOPLE ABOUT WHEN EUU EURSELF DIDN'T CONTRIBUTE ANYTHING !?!?!?! IF EUR SO FUSSY Y DUN EUU DO THE PROJECT EURSELF ?!?!
that's what i feel like yelling at them. but i keep it to myself instead. and just say in a tired and pissed off voice, "aiyoh, so mah fan. ok larh i'll put it right tmr". and if euu tell me, "euu had better", i feel like smashing eur head into smithereens. wasn't it a clear enuf hint?
and i hate people whu are so bo chap and dun care abt schwork, meaning to say, projects. when i ask dem when are we meeting or anything they just gimme this bo liao look and say, see 1st larh. even if the deadline was tmr.
and i hate people whu talk nonsense, make euu do nonsensical stuff and fools around when doing projects when she is de grp leader summore. and dosn't care abt other's feelings and act cute and spread rumors abt others. and kaypoh in everything other's do. to all these ppl, pls keep eur nose out of my stuff or i'll snip it off 4 euu.
and lastly, i can't stand ppl whu blame others for everything that goes wrong and refuse to apologize even when its obvious that they're in the wrong and still have the cheek to argue back in that irratating 'oi dun accuse me' tone. wad kinda attitude is dat?
i really can't 忍 anymore. i'm going to explode soon.
and i feel so very stressed. today only before recess we had 3 graded tests. math, english and chinese. well, math was nt really a test. but we did a graded portfolio so i guess it was considered as one. =X and after recess was dnt which i lurved cos we're doing pratical work now. and its like, one of the less stressful subs. euu try taking like, 10 over subs and in almost every sub lesson teachers go reciting of the tests schedues and project deadlines. i feel faint.
but dnt was fun though i couldn't put my acrylic thingy right.
and then dere was lit and pw. and after sch we were supposed to go for poetry slam rehersals. but wen xin and daphne had to go, or rather, wanted to go to support their hockey seniors in their match. and me and min yu were seriously pissed. summore wen xin was sort of de leader and summore she like so bo chap lidat. like dey go haf fun while leave me, min yu and may shuen to die. yes, we almost died. thankew veri much, euu 忘恩负义 ppl. so me and min yu was like ranting to wenxin on the phone and then she still like so dun care bo chap wif that 'i didn't do anything wrong its nt my fault dun accuse me' tone. we couldn't stand her attitude and we got really mad and we started yelling. and min yu almost chucked my phone onto de ground in anger. we were seriously mad. nt really cos dey didn't attend rehersals and wuld rather go and watch a hockey match, but rather at their bo chap dun care attitude. i can't stand it. i really can't.
so we skipped poetry slam rehersals. i'm really worried abt tmr's performance. i really wanna cry. if wen xin's gonna carry on wif her bossing ppl but nt doing anything herself and so bo chap attitude i'm seriously going to refuse to go on stage and get mr ray to get on wif de programme. we haven't rehersed and we still haven't got our lines right. and i've got mild stage fright. i really dun wanna do it, i wanted to give this chance to jessica's grp. but wenxin wanted to do it and now acts so bo chap and everything. does that even makes sense?
i think i shld be getting on with my homework now. i'm really tired. the test schedues and hw and project deadlines, i'm losing track of everything. i'm so behind on my studies. i'm cracking. and i'm really tired. i really am.
Set my heart, O dear Father,
On Thee, and Thee only,
Give me a thirst for Thy presence divine.
Lord, keep my focus on loving Thee wholly,
Purge me from earth; Turn my heart after Thine.
A passion for Thee;
O Lord, set a fire in my soul, and a thirst for my God.
Hear Thou my prayer, Lord, Thy power impart.
Not just to serve, but to love Thee with all of my heart.
Father fill with Thy Spirit, and fit me for service,
Let love for Christ every motive inspire,
Teach me to follow in selfless submission,
Be Thou my joy and my soul's one desire.
A passion for Thee;
O Lord, set a fire in my soul, and a thirst for my God.
Hear Thou my prayer, Lord, Thy power impart.
Not just to serve, but to love Thee with all of my heart.
